The Way of the Platypus
by waffleman1314
Summary: He was the greatest warrior in all of China. Regent Monogram had even wished for him to save the princess from Doofus Khan. But what made Master Perry give up the life of a warrior to live atop The Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness? Perry recounts his story starting with his arrival in the Tri-Province Area. Rated T for mild violence.
1. A Stranger from Xihoudu

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**New fic and I think you guys will love it! I'll just let you read and judge it for yourselves though!**

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Chapter One: A Stranger From Xihoudu

Along a lonely, dust-covered road, a weary traveler slowly dragged his feet under the weight of his exhausted body. Sweat poured down the back of his neck and along his temples. A small straw hat was pulled low over his eyes; so that all one could see were his bill and his gritted teeth. The platypus' sandals were falling apart. He wore traditional Hanfu attire. His yi was soaked with perspiration, his shang was tattered, and his bixi was discolored. In one hand, he carried a staff, and tied tightly at the end of that staff was a sack of food; enough to make it to at least the next town in a day. He'd swung the staff over his shoulder for ease, but his webbed feet were throbbing and his arms were growing numb. This traveler was I- Yazuishou, Perry.

The sun was at its high point in the sky, seeing as today was one of the hottest days of the summer months, and all I had to cool down my body was a sole flask of Sake, which in my defense, was all I was given after I'd lost a bet with Lao-tzu. Of course, I'd been the idiot to gamble a game of mahjong with him anyways. He was a Taoist master, and I was a peasant that worked on a measly rice farm. I had bet my family's entire farm and my citizenship in Xihoudu. Okay, so I was young and foolish. I get it.

I sat down on the side of the road and pulled out the flask, cursing the man for making certain that I wasn't permitted any water. His higher class friends all bet on my death. This angered me so much. Who were they to think I couldn't last outside of Xihoudu? My goal was to prove them wrong. All I had to do was make it to the Tri-Province Area alive and send them a letter proving I'd survived. Grimacing, I took a swallow of the Sake and cringed as the alcohol burned my throat. This Sake was the nastiest drink I'd ever put into my mouth. Holding my stomach, I resisted the urge to vomit the vile drink back up onto the dirt. My head began to swim with fatigue and the lack of water, but what could I do? They'd only given me this to drink and some rice cakes for sustenance. It was a tease, really, but a bet was a bet.

Picking up my staff and the cask, I walked a little ways off of the road and found a rock to lean against. Setting my things down, I lowered my aching body into the cool grass around me and sighed in relief. I pulled my hat lower over my eyes and let myself drift off into a light sleep. A few hours later, I woke up again to see that the sun was sinking low over the horizon in the west. Moaning, I picked up my things and started to walk again, knowing that I was still miles away from any civilization. I trudged along the path, keeping my eyes down.

Soon enough, the darkness had set in and cool air enveloped me like a blanket. I went to set up camp on the side of the road again, but as I bent down, I heard the faint trickle of running water. Leaping up, I ran in the direction of the sound as fast as my throbbing legs could take me, and sure enough, there was a stream of clear water rushing downhill. With a cry of joy, I sprinted over to it and began to splash handfuls on my face, grateful that at last I'd found water. I bent over and commenced to cup the water in my hands to drink it, and I was thrilled to feel the cooling sensation run over my tongue.

Once the water hit my stomach, though, it was a different matter altogether. The Sake wasn't settling too well with it, and I had no choice but to allow myself to spew until my body had removed the last of the alcohol from my system. My head was swimming from the nausea and the combined effects of the alcohol that had already made its way into my blood. Curse Lao-tzu and his stupid bet. I was half-tempted to convert to Confucianism or Buddhism. But I knew very well that my parents were already disappointed as it was- defying our landlord by denying his way of life would be risking my free use of the family name. My goal was to redeem family honor, not destroy it once and for all. I wiped off my mouth with my wrist and rinsed it off in the flow of the stream.

After I was done washing up, I pulled out my flask and dumped out the Mijiu out of it, watching the clear liquid splatter across the grass angrily. (Mijiu was the most popular type of Sake we had in Xihoudu, but we sold others such as the red Ang Jiu, the milky Choujiu, and even the fermented, brownish Huangjiu. Personally, all of them disagree with me, but if I had to go with one, it'd most likely be Ang Jiu.) Gingerly crouching over the water, I ran the flask through the water to remove any drops I'd missed when I'd poured it out, then held my hand steady and allowed it to fill itself up.

"You there!" a voice echoed behind me. I turned fast to see where it had come from, but it was too dark to be able to see. Hurriedly capping my flask, I grabbed up my belongings and sprinted in a northerly direction, knowing that it was the direction I'd been travelling all day. "Stop! Don't run off!"

I froze where I was and considered the consequences if the Emperor knew I was basically a vagabond, I'd be jailed for sure. Sighing, I lowered my head and stared at my own feet dejectedly. What I needed was a good sob story- preferably one with dead parents and Huns, but so far this year, the Huns and Mongols weren't too much of a threat. The person caught up to me and waved a lantern in my face.

"What are you doing this late at night, peasant?" the young man furrowed his brow angrily. He had fiery red hair, freckles, and purple rimmed glasses that he'd pushed all the way up the bridge of his nose. His black, padded attire told me that was a high ranking official in the Chinese army. "Well, are you going to answer me?"

"It is none of your business," I slurred, too nauseous to answer properly.

"Answer the question, platypus!" he demanded, sounding as if he could care less if I was intoxicated with bad Sake or not.

"I'm heading to the Tri-Province Area," I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on him. The water hadn't helped at all- the alcohol was already into my bloodstream by the time I'd started trying to nullify its effects. People that got drunk had to be stark mad.

"Why? Where are you from? Do you have legal permissions to go there?" he continued, unwilling to let me be.

"I'm from Xihoudu, and I lost a bet, okay?" I growled, looking at him sideways and trying to keep my balance. "They banished me and gave me nothing save a flask of Sake and a small sack of rice cakes. It's all I have, so as for travel papers- I don't have any."

"Oh," he said, his expression softening. "Are you okay?"

"No," I murmured. "I don't usually drink."

"Ah," he raised his eyebrows. "Well, I'm on my way to the Tri-Province Area, if you'd like a ride. I work for the Regent Monogram. You can call me Carl."

"You're with the government?" I frowned.

"Military," he corrected. "I'm working to be a general. As of now, I'm pretty close to my goal. And what about you? You got a name? A history?"

"My name is Perry," I nodded. "I'm a kid from a family of rice farmers."

"You're just a kid, wow," Carl smiled. "And already travelling to the big city. Lost a bet, you said? Care to explain?"

"Mahjong," I laughed. "Lao-tzu plays a mean game of mahjong."

"Lao-tzu?!" Carl gasped. "You're mad!"

"I know, I know," I said dismissively. "He's my parents' landowner. I've never been particularly…careful, per se."

"In other words, you're an idiot," Carl chuckled.

"Yeah," I nodded in agreement.

"Here, come back a few paces and you can ride in my cart," Carl beckoned, still laughing a little. "If you need to, just hold my arm, I know you're probably unstable from your recent Sake experience…"

"No kidding," I said, holding his arm to steady myself. The world was swimming in front of me. It seemed as if the road was in front of my face, but I knew I was looking straight ahead. My stomach lurched. Carl led me over to his cart and picked me up. He placed me gently on the back and sat down next to me.

"Alright, men, we're moving out!" he called. The men waiting around the cart picked it up and began to march off into the night. Carl set his lantern on a hook above our heads and smiled at me. "Tell me about yourself, Perry."

"What do you want to know?" I sighed, wrapping my fingers under the edge of the cart.

"Just stuff about you," he shrugged. "Your life, your personality. Stuff like that."

"Well, there's not much to tell," I mused. "I'm thirteen, come from a family of fifteen, and don't have an education. I've worked the rice farm ever since I could walk, and any extra time I've had was spent teaching myself kung fu."

"Really?" Carl raised an eyebrow curiously. "Fifteen? That means you have, what, twelve brothers and sisters?"

"Only sisters," I smirked.

"Whoa, I feel bad for you," he chuckled. "I only had a sister and a brother."

"You lucky soul," I laughed.

"I guess the sole difference is that your family is peasantry and mine was higher class, but still," Carl whistled. "Your poor mother."

"As I always say," I grinned. "She was always happy with Dad."

"Oh," Carl said, taken aback by the comment. "You mean like, speaking relations, right?"

"You poor, clueless, soldier," I snickered.

"What did you me…oh…?" Carl blushed, embarrassed that he'd asked.

"Once again- I'm thirteen," I rolled my eyes.

"Don't rub it in," Carl frowned. "I'm twenty-two, and I still don't get crude humor. It's not like I'm married or something."

"Oh, so you're a eunuch?" I asked.

"No!" Carl exclaimed, waving his hands dismissively. "No, it's nothing like that. I've just never married nor had a girlfriend. I know, it's odd for a warrior, but it's easy to keep a clean record when you work for Regent Monogram."

"If I had a clean record…I'd still be in Xihoudu," I sighed.

"You gambled once, you can't have done worse than that at thirteen," Carl pointed out.

"Quite the contrary," I waved a finger at him. "Gambling is not only a habitual thing for me, but I've also been known for smuggling Sake, haggling merchants so that I'm basically stealing from them, dealing out opium to people my age, and I may or may not have a couple of kids."

"Your parents let you do all this?" Carl frowned, appalled.

"Nope," I shook my head. "I'm a rebel."

"A rebel of what?" he squinted at me through his glasses.

"Let's just say that because I'm on bad terms with Lao-tzu, Taoism is not in my interest zone," I said, stretching out my arms and cracking my knuckles. "I've tried my best to make my landowner look a fool."

"You make it sound like Lao-tzu is an awful person," Carl argued. "He's the revealer of Taoism; he has to be a peaceful man."

"Again, Lao-tzu is a jerk," I stuck my tongue out to the side. "When you grow up as a peasant, those above you are nowhere near appealing. We hate the people over us. How would you feel if you had to work as a slave for someone who never had to work at all?"

"I guess not," Carl shrugged.

"I thought not," I said huffily, averting my gaze to watch the countryside roll by on my left. Carl refrained from pressuring me for any more answers, as he was already forming a strange opinion of me. He was a well-esteemed government official, and I was a jerk from a small town that had tried to cheat in a game of mahjong and still lost. The two of us probably shouldn't have been seen together.

The caravan led on in complete and utter silence for an hour or so. Small talk was made among the soldiers eventually, trying to pass the time as the night rolled on. I watched them interact, telling jokes about each other's mom and considering Carl's reasoning for picking me up. Most wanted me gone. I couldn't blame them; they all had perfect lives under a Buddhist standard and I was a jerk that was a Taoist infidel. Curious myself, I turned to Carl and asked him.

"Why is it that you stopped to pick me up?" I leaned over to him, hoping that it would incite a response.

"I saw potential in you," Carl replied curtly, not moving to look at me.

"What kind of potential?" I pressured. "There has to be more to it than just seeing potential in me. I mean, no offense, but there's not much to see in me. I'm beyond hopeless. You have to have a better reason."

"Well, you appeared to need help," he shrugged. "If I can secure you a job with Regent Monogram, perhaps you could clear your name."

"You just learned that about me, Carl," I pointed out.

"Okay, fine!" he exclaimed. "I saw a younger version of myself when I first set eyes on you. Someone who could use help. I didn't really know the circumstances under which you'd ended up there, I just knew you that you needed some help."

"Really? But you grew up in a wealthy family," I sat back a little. "You had it all."

"We don't have it all," Carl shook his head. "I barely know or see my parents, we have to be educated in Confucian-style schools, and you don't want to know about the foot-binding, man. It's horrendous."

"I've heard," I nodded. "I've also heard that it only happens to females."

"Yeah, I never understood why it's done," Carl sighed.

"Carl, use your brain," I laughed. "You bind her feet, she can't walk for long. If a woman can't leave the house, she can't go have fun with other men. Thus, she can't get pregnant by another man. You know, so she can't be viewed as a-"

"Thanks, thank you for that," Carl shook his head, disgusted by the idea.

"What? It's true," I defended. "Women that go out and do things with men a lot are technically sluts."

"Do you have to use that terminology?" he gave me an annoyed look.

"Yes, yes I do," I nodded.

"I'll say one thing, you're quite the character," he inhaled deeply.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," I smiled, feeling quite proud of having a colorful personality.

"Oh?' Carl chuckled.

"Yeah," I said amusingly. "My mom always told me I'd get slapped someday for it, my dad always swore that it'd get me into huge trouble, and my grandfather always made sure to let me know that it would be my demise."

"Interesting," Carl hummed.

"I never actually considered that they'd be right," I sat back, looking at my feet. "It kinda burns that I didn't ever listen to my elders, you know? You'd understand, with your Confucian upbringing, I guess. Ancestor disrespect is highly frowned upon in Xihoudu."

"Right, the Taoist regime reveres their ancestors, don't they?" he smiled.

"Yeah," I scratched the back of my head, laughing a little bit. "To me it's a bunch of bologna. I mean, it's not like their spirits will haunt you or they'll return from the dead to seek out their vengeance, will they?"

"I don't suppose so," Carl shrugged.

"See? There are loopholes in Taoism," I said, waving one hand for emphasis. "Just because a man is Yin and a woman is Yang doesn't mean that they'll have a better life. Becoming one with the natural universe doesn't do anything but make you look like you're searching for flower-power or something."

"Flower-power?" Carl chuckled.

"Yeah, flower-power," I nodded. "Something wrong with that term?"

"You just use some really odd terms, that's all," he smirked.

"I can't help it," I shrugged. "I speak what's on my mind. Well, maybe not what's on my mind all the time…yeah."

"What's on your mind at the moment?" Carl frowned.

"Um, well, honestly, it's not something I should say out loud," I swallowed. "But it's what my neighbor Kai-lan looks like without-"

"Okay, okay, I get your point!" Carl grimaced.

"Like I said, not everything," I shook my head dismissively. "On a different note, what are we going to do when we get to the Tri-Province Area?"

"First, I have to deliver these goods to the local peasants," Carl said, pointing a thumb behind himself. "Then we have to report back to Regent Monogram and give accounts for the soldiers. After that, we can discuss what to do with you with the Regent and see what happens from there."

"He won't kick me out because of my record, will he?" I winced, unsure of whether a high-ranking man would want anything to do with me or not.

"Oh, no," Carl reassured me. "The Regent's a nice guy."

"One can hope," I sighed. "Nice people even hate me at some point in their life. It's just a fact of life."

"Don't down yourself," Carl said.

"Do I get a cookie if I don't?" I made a puppy face.

"Um, sure," Carl rolled his eyes.

"Ok, then," I smiled.

Carl stopped the conversation and began to watch his men closely. When a city came into view in the distance, he began to shout orders at them in Mandarin. Fortunately for me, he spoke my native Cantonese variant, but I had a feeling I'd have to pick up on Mandarin if I was going to live here. He turned to me and pointed back at the distant city, smiling wide as if to tell me some secret.

"That there is the Tri-Province Area," he grinned.

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**How did you all like that? What did you think of Perry's character?Talk about it all in reviews!**


	2. The Regent Monogram

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**AJ ThaPlatypus here with the last update for today. I'm sorry this one takes so long to update; I've been putting a lot of thought and research into it. (Each chapter has taken up five pages in a Word doc xD) So, enjoy:**

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Chapter Two: The Regent Monogram

We arrived at the gates of the Tri-Province Area just at the break of dawn. Carl hopped off of the cart to help make sure that all of his men made it through the gate. When the gatekeeper asked about me, Carl said that I was being taken to Regent Monogram on business terms that were to remain unsaid. The man cast a disgusted look at me and my peasant getup, then reluctantly let us pass. Rolling his eyes, Carl hopped back up onto the cart beside me and grumbled to himself about suspicious guards.

Our caravan went into the more rural area of the city and began to unload bags of supplies and resources for the peasant farms. It truly baffled me to see soldiers being so nice to the peasant folk. Back in Xihoudu, soldiers never gave us any rations. Instead, they gave us public floggings and a beating we'd never forget. I put one hand to my back remembering the last time I'd been beaten to near death for stealing an apple from a local market. My back was cut open in several places; it had only been three days ago.

Many of the peasant folk would stop and stare at me, probably wondering what I was doing on the back of the cart that belonged to the military. After all, my clothing marked me as one of them. I would just nod or wave at them, hoping that they would keep walking. But they continued to stare, their eyes burning with the desire to know why I was there. I pulled my straw hat down low over my eyes and ignored their gazes. Perhaps if I stopped people-watching, they'd keep their eyes off of me as well. Of course, I had no clue if my technique was working or not because I couldn't see them. Oh well, c'est la vie.

After they'd delivered all of the rations, Carl ordered the troop to head up to Regent Monogram's palace. The pagoda-style building was breathtaking. Deep red roofs swept over brilliant golden walls. Carl beckoned for me to hop off of the cart and follow him up the long flight of steps. The doors were even more magnificent than the whole of the building. Two great dragons were painted on the front, holding each handle in one outstretched claw. Turning to face directly forward, Carl rapped on the door three times with his fist.

With a loud creak, both doors began to slowly swing outward. Once they were open enough, Carl waved me inside, and a quick glance behind us told me that it had taken at least twelve soldiers per door to open them. Again, I gained several odd looks from the people around me. It was obvious that they thought I didn't belong anywhere near a palace. I looked away from them and focused my attentions on Carl's feet.

The palace was doubly beautiful on the inside. Intricate red and gold patterns covered the walls and floors. Jade pillars held up the high ceilings. Elaborate statues of dragons were placed everywhere, and several brilliant red doors were placed almost invisibly everywhere. The entrance to the Regent's quarters, however, had no doors, but rather a long veil that appeared to have been hand sewn in silk. Whoever had the time to do this decorating must surely be without hands. It must have taken centuries to design the palace.

As for the Regent himself, he was sitting cross-legged on a mat, with his back facing us. His hands were on his knees and his breathing was inaudible. He wore a long olive green silk robe with a darker green bixi wrapped about his waist. On his head was a rounded green hat with a flat top. Carl motioned for me to stand where I was, and he went a few more paces and politely cleared his throat.

"Regent Monogram, I have a proposal to make," he said calmly.

Sighing, the Regent stood up, smoothed down his robes, and quietly turned to face us. He was a stern-looking man, with a gray unibrow resting close above his black eyes. His nose was large and kind of reminded me of a square. A white mustache ran directly under his nose and matched the color of his white hair perfectly. This was the mighty Regent Monogram. I felt as if I was dishonoring him by just standing on his floor. There was no way in all of China I should have been in the same room as him.

"Who is this, Sergeant Carl?" he asked, his voice remaining very monotonous and low.

"This, sir, is Perry," Carl waved a hand at me. I swallowed hard and tipped my straw hat at him, trying not to make eye contact. "He is a peasant from Xihoudu. I found him…er…in a bad state, should we say, between Xihoudu and here. After hearing him out, I considered consulting you as what to do with him."

"And why is he not in Xihoudu?" the Regent raised half of his unibrow in curiosity. "After all, Carl, peasants never leave their homeland."

"Well, you see, sir-" Carl began, but Monogram held up a hand and shook his head.

"I would like the platypus to explain himself, Carl," he said politely. "Peasant or not, he is a person nonetheless and has his own voice. He can speak for himself."

"I…" I found my mouth dry of words. Telling Carl that I was a jerk was one thing- he'd proven that I could trust him, regardless of his status. But telling the Regent? I swallowed again and tugged at the arm of my yi nervously. "I was banished from Xihoudu, sir."

"Banished?" the Regent looked amused. "On what terms?"

"Eh, mostly cheating in a gambling game of mahjong with Lao-tzu, our landowner," I said, continuing to tug at my sleeve. "But also for repeated offense of theft, opium dealing, smuggling, gambling with everyone, and taking certain risks with the government back in Xihoudu. I'm also a Taoist infidel; Xihoudu's a swarm of Taoists."

"Well, aren't you the colorful character," he smirked. "And Carl? What was your reasoning for bringing him to me?"

"I found him intoxicated on the side of the road," Carl sighed. "He said he knew a little kung fu and needed a way to clear himself of his record, so naturally I took him to you, since the Regent Initials probably wouldn't have done anything for him back in Xihoudu."

"Regent Initials," Monogram scoffed. "I never liked her."

"I know, sir," Carl nodded his head in agreement.

"Ah," the Regent hummed. "So, Perry is it?"

"Yes, sir," I tipped my hat again. "Yazuishou, Perry."

"So, Perry, you claim to know kung fu, do you?" Monogram stroked his mustache in thought. "That's some claim for a delinquent peasant from Xihoudu. Only elite warriors know this type of fighting. Not even one Carl's soldiers, or Carl himself, for that manner, knows the art of kung fu."

"I won't lie," I admitted. "I had my ways of gaining information that was not for my eyes. Master Pinky was a wimp, in no offense to your system, Regent, but he was a major wimp and would give me anything to keep from getting harmed by me."

"A master warrior was scared of you?" Regent Monogram smiled wide. "One of Initial's warriors was scared of you?"

I went to answer, but both Carl and Regent Monogram burst into fits of laughter. Nervously, I looked to the side and rubbed my arm, unsure if it was me they were laughing at or at the story itself. Either way, I'm sure I sounded a huge joke to them both. I was probably seconds away from being behind bars. Regent Monogram looked up at me and wiped a tear from his eye.

"That's the best thing I've heard in my entire life!" he laughed. "Regent Initials should be ashamed! Ah, you've certainly made my day, Perry."

"I…I have?" I stammered.

"Oh, yes," Regent Monogram continued. "Regent Initials and I have been competing for the Emperor's favoritism since we both rose to the title of 'regent.' And, to be quite honest, all of her warriors have been better than mine so far. Our reports are at the New Year."

"And, this has to do with me…why?" I squinted at him, unsure of my role in his humor.

"I'm going to propose a deal with you," Monogram said, pointing one finger at me. "If you promise to serve under me for an indefinite amount of time, I will personally clear your entire record. Your crimes, your bad name, your bad reputation, and any legal issues tied into anything you've ever done."

"You're serious?!" I stepped back, my eyes real wide. "Everything?!"

"Everything," he nodded, smiling.

"I…I don't know what to say!" I exclaimed.

"So, will you take up my offer, boy?" Monogram asked, eager for me to give him a straightforward answer. "I could really use you as one of our warriors. We need your kind of bravery leading our militia with Carl."

"But, sir," Carl coughed. "I'm only a sergeant."

"Well then," Monogram stood up straighter. "Throwing aside all professionalism and protocol, I hereby dub you the general of my army. You will train my warriors and command my soldiers. The new recruits for our first attempt at a line of warriors will start training tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Perry, will you be joining them or not?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, bowing to him respectfully. "I promise I will not let you down!"

"That's the spirit, boy," Monogram smiled wide. "Carl, take him down to the warriors quarters and get him acquainted with the other recruits. He needs to know his competition and partners. Seeing as they will be both."

"Will do, sir!" Carl grinned, saluting Monogram happily. "Let's go, Perry!"

Carl led me out of the palace and back down the steps. He told me that the warriors quarters was to the left of the palace when one faced the palace from the east. I took that to mean that when you exited from the front doors, you took an immediate right to get to it. The quarters were built very squarely, boasting three stories and a black outside. Even the roof was black. Looking back at me, Carl leaned forward and pulled open the side door, which led to a commons area of sorts. He straightened up and cleared his throat.

"Attention all who are training to be warriors for the Regent Monogram!" Carl announced. "Well, that's all of you save for Lin. Lin, stop trying to clean up after these guys and go clean the Regent's floor!"

"Shi de, xiansheng!" the human, obviously called Lin, exclaimed, hopping out of one of the windows awkwardly. Again, I spoke Cantonese. I had no clue what he said, but I hoped it was just a simple agreement. I looked around and noticed that the only remaining human was Carl.

"Anyways," Carl rolled his eyes. "This is a new recruit. Learn him. Befriend him. Make him feel at home, boys. You all need to bond if you're to work together. And to inform you, I'm your new trainer. I've been promoted to general. I will see you all in the arena tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn."

"Yes, General Carl!" the room rang out in response. Carl saluted them, shoved me in the room more, and left without another word. I swallowed and watched the other animals stare at me curiously. A fox stepped up and greeted me.

"Hey, new guy," he smiled. "I'm Huli, Felix. And you are?"

"Yazuishou, Perry," I returned his smile sheepishly.

"Nice to meet you, Perry," he shook my hand. "Where are you from? I can tell we both came from small places; I'd recognize Hanfu anywhere."

"Ah, yeah," I chuckled, tugging at my clothing. "I'm a rice farmer's kid from Xihoudu."

"Nice," Felix grinned. "My family was a bunch of chicken farmers. We came from the Wu state. Hey, come on in, stay a while! Meet the guys! We've got Xiongmao, Peter from the state of Chu. Wei, Harry is from Qi. Woniu, Sergei is our mental trainer, and he's from Cao. Li, Ricky is from Yan."

"Hi…" I waved, nervously shaking as I did so. The room echoed in a chorus of 'hey' and 'what's up' comments. Felix placed a hand on my shoulder and tugged me forward a little.

"Here, let me give you a tour," he said quietly.

"Wow, do you do this with everybody?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No," Felix admitted. "I'm shy and don't enjoy large crowds. But I can relate better to you. We're both from farming families. They're all either scholar gentry, military kids, or part of the upper-classmen."

"Oh," I cast a wary glace back at them as we left the commons room. "I guess you feel kind of left out, huh?"

"You bet," he nodded. "Well, here's our kitchen. It's not much, but the fire pit is big enough to make mini terra-cotta warriors."

"Why terra-cotta?" I asked.

"Eh, we're now Han dynasty, so it's a Qin joke," Felix shrugged. "And in my opinion, Qin was an idiot. Do you remember Qin?"

"No, sorry," I turned red. "I mean, I'm only fifteen, the Mandate switched when I was two months old."

"Whoa!" Felix's eyes got wide. "You're only fifteen?!"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"That's crazy, all of us are in our late twenties or early thirties!" he laughed. "Okay, well, Sergei's like, fifty, but other than that, I'm twenty-nine and was the youngest recruit here. Wow, fifteen. I think you've broken some kind of record."

"It's okay," I shuffled my feet nervously and tugged at the sleeve of my yi again. "I'm used to being the odd man out. I mean, I'm a platypus for heaven's sake. Probably the only one in China, too."

"Don't feel too bad, Perry," he said sympathetically. "Ricky's the only raccoon. Harry's the only hedgehog. It just makes you unique."

"I'm not unique, I'm a bother," I said dismissively.

"You are not a bother," Felix shook his head. "Come here, I want to show you the rest of the rooms."

Felix grabbed me by the hand and continued to give me a brief tour of the warrior's quarters. The commons room was by far the largest and the kitchen was a close second. The entire second story was a dojo-like area for personal training. On the third floor was the sleeping chamber and bathing area (we found Ricky in there singing in the shower). My tour of the first floor had been a little fast; all I really remember was something about a foosball table and a bright yellow dance room.

Next, Felix explained what he called 'the ropes.' He ran over a quick schedule with me, explaining that from the start of tomorrow morning, everything we did was on a schedule. We would wake, eat, dress, train, then have free time to meander about the village before going back to our quarters for the night. I asked when we had to shower and he told me that it wasn't required, but if we were going to, it had to be after we'd returned to quarters for good. My first thought was that some people just hated showers, but considering that he and I had both come from farms, where showering wasn't an option (it was rather bathing in the same water all of your younger siblings had bathed in), and the others had come from elite homes where one had to shower every night if they didn't want punishment.

By the time he was done with the tour and making sure I had the schedule down, it was about noon time and he was hungry. I was thrown off by the fact that he actually ate a meal in the middle of the day. He had to explain to me that warriors were given three square meals a day, which completely baffled me. In Xihoudu, I had eaten one meal at the end of my day and if I was lucky enough, I'd get a small snack before the workday started, if I was present, since I often was out terrorizing Master Pinky for various reasons. Of course, I didn't tell him that…

In the end, we ended up stopping by a small in-town bar to eat. He bought us a few bowls of noodles with his special 'warrior's pass' (it was a small slip of paper that identified him as a warrior in Mandarin; he said he'd take me to get mine later), grabbed a couple sets of chopsticks, and we headed back to the quarters to eat. I had to give it to him, eating what he called 'lunch' was amazing, but being unused to eating at that time, I ended up having trouble keeping it down. He patted me on the back and told me it was 'a process' and that I'd eventually get used to eating three times a day.

That evening, once my nausea had died down and Felix had force-fed me food with actual meat in it (I had never eaten meat in my life- peasants didn't get to eat meat, even if they were meat farmers; it was a delicacy saved for the upper-classmen), we all congregated upstairs to take showers and prepare ourselves for bed. When they offered me first dibs on the shower, I eagerly took it (with several laughs from the upper-class warriors, but a nice, approving smile from Felix). The shower was an amazing experience- I felt clean for the first time in my entire life.

After I'd showered, Felix hopped in, and I was given silk 'pajamas.' Ricky was amused by the fact that I'd never heard of this type of clothing before, but rather was used to sleeping in the same shang that I'd worn all day long. When Felix returned, he suggested a 'bonding session,' which basically meant we had to share our life stories.

Felix, as he'd said before, he was from a small family of chicken farmers in the state of Wu. He was best known for getting more money than he should have out of the merchants he'd sold the meat to.

Peter, a panda, who was a general's son from the state of Chu, had been taught from a young age the secrets of becoming a master warrior. His parents had sent him to Regent Monogram in hopes of him becoming the greatest warrior in all of China.

Harry, a hedgehog and a merchant's son from the state of Qi, was a snob that particularly hated sharing anything. He particularly was stingy over wealth. Some said he was a hoarder; he considered it to be a savings method for later (although he never specified what he was saving for).

Ricky, a raccoon, was a scholar from Yan who had passed some of the top Confucian tests in the Middle Kingdom of China. He prided himself on being the smartest recruit, and warned everyone that he would not be in the best of moods if anyone outdid his brains. I reassured him that I couldn't even read or write.

Sergei, a snail from Cao, refused to explain himself. He told us to get to sleep, so I pulled the silk blanket over my head and nodded off, for once feeling safe and secure.

* * *

**So, lots of hard-to-say Chinese words, I get that. I've thrown in some partial OC's; the 'warriors' are all after agents I've seen on the show, but obviously I named a few myself. What do you guys think so far? Let me know! :)**


	3. Break It Down from Break of Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**AJ here giving ya'll another update! Sadly, this one is short compared to the first two chapters, but I didn't have much to say in it. Tell me what you think, though!**

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Chapter Three: Break It Down from Break of Day

I woke up to the unusual sensation of being shaken back and forth. Felix had me by the shoulders and was shouting at me to get up. Blinking slowly, I was trying to process the whole situation and simply did as I was told. He shoved a bunch of clothing into my chest and nodded at the bathroom. I guess that meant 'go put this on.' Shrugging, I sleepy walked into the bathroom and pulled off the pajamas to replace them with the outfit he'd just given me.

It was still dark outside, and I was unused to being up so early. Usually we worked with the sun. When the sun rose, we got up. When the sun fell, we went to sleep. Apparently that wasn't the case here. Ricky explained to me while we were dressing that in large cities, lanterns were light during the dark hours and even throughout the night so that people could be awake any time they wished. As warriors, we had to prepare in the twilight so that we were ready to begin training at the break of dawn.

The routine was pretty straightforward; dress, shower, eat 'breakfast,' another meal I was unused to (in Xihoudu, the only meal we had was dinner), and then when we were all ready, we'd head out to the arena to train. Felix told me that the arena was about three miles away, in practically the middle of nowhere, so it was wise to use the restroom before we started walking (and I was the idiot that had to blurt out 'what exactly does restroom mean?'). I argued that bushes served for that purpose, but everyone just gave me a queer look. So, it turns out that Felix came from a well-off farming family, whereas I had come from the poorest of the poor. Thus, I was the only person who'd ever peed in a bush.

We gathered outside to find Carl waiting for us with five bags. He instructed us to each grab one and follow him to the arena. I picked up my bag (Carl had to point mine out, as my name was written in Mandarin) and slung it across my back. It was fairly easy to carry, but everyone else seemed to think it was insanely heavy. Funny thing is, they were all the same weight. Carl had already started walking by the time we had managed to get the bags onto all of our backs, so we had to start out by ourselves with no one to guide us.

The trail was obvious; it had been lit with lanterns that spanned about every ten meters along the dusty road, so we'd know if we were still on track. Its terrain was flat for the most part, but all of the rocks and logs made the walk almost unbearable. Sweat poured down our foreheads as the sun began to rise over the horizon, splaying pink light over our faces. A large circular building appeared in front of us, and we all stood there staring up in awe at it for a moment, trying to fathom the size of it.

"Is that…?" Felix pointed to it and looked to me.

"Yeah," Ricky nodded. "This is the arena."

"Mother of Buddha…" Peter's mouth dropped open.

"I see you have all found your way to the arena," Carl stepped out in front of us. I snapped my head in his direction to see him. "Tomorrow, I expect you here before the sun has peeked over the horizon, am I understood?"

"Yes, General Carl!" we sang in unison.

He paced back and forth in front of us, as if to size us up. I swallowed hard, knowing I looked unprofessional next to the four who had been here before and knew how to properly tie this complex bixi we were wearing across our shangs.

"I don't know what any of you are used to," Carl said, furrowing his brow and sweeping his gaze across us. His eyes locked with mine. "But I will tell you one thing- by the time I'm through with you, you'll wish that you'd never signed up for this if you weren't meant for it. And trust me; I'll know before you will."

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**Okay, so no comment for Perry's hygiene. xD**


	4. Train Like a Warrior

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**AJ back with your update. This is kind of a filler chapter- the next one will have more interest to it. **

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Carl led us into the arena by a small, and by small I literally mean 'big enough for Carl to barely fit through small,' door on the far side of the enormous building. When we got inside, we were even more appalled at the sight. Grass that was greener than seemed possible blanketed the floor in a nice, evenly cut fashion. A circular path of dirt surrounded the grass. Doors lined the walls of the arena, possibly holding training equipment, food, and if Felix was lucky- a bathroom. (He claimed to have a really small bladder.) We dropped our backpacks on the ground and lined up in character order, sadly enough, in Mandarin again. Ricky just told me to stand to the left of Felix and that Harry would be on my right.

"Now, I will take this training extremely seriously," Carl said, walking around in front of us with his hands behind his back. "Regent Monogram would prefer to keep all of you, but the minimum is two. As you train, I will be deciding who among you is fit to be the leader of this group."

"So, like a sensei?" Peter asked.

"No! We aren't in Japan!" Carl slapped his forehead. "They have samurai and ninja and stuff- we have warriors and the Mongols! Please, get your facts straight. I swear…the Middle Kingdom is in need of stricter Confucian standards."

We all looked at each other and shrugged. The only practicing Confucian among us was Ricky. Harry and Peter were Buddhists, and Felix was a strong Taoist. Ricky seemed pretty pleased that Carl was enforcing a Confucian state of mind. I didn't care, so as long as he didn't tell me I had to be Taoist.

"Sorry…" Peter said dejectedly.

"Now," Carl sighed. "A normal day will go as thus- running a mile then a rotation; coming to me for weapons training, Sergei will teach you the secrets of the mind that he learned from little green men on a swamp planet, endurance training with the regent's son, Monty, kung fu training with Master Silent G, and finally a Confucian scholarly class with Master Terry. The rotation will go in that order, starting every day with Felix at weapons, Perry at endurance, Harry at mind, Peter at kung fu, and Ricky at scholarly. Understood?"

"Yes, General Carl!" we said simultaneously.

"You will each spend two hours in that particular rotation," Carl explained. "The first rotation begins at the sixth hour. By then you should have completed a set of ten li around the circular path, all at a running pace. **(A/N: one li is approximately 415 meters, ten li is about four kilometers, which is just around three and a half miles.) **We will return home around the tenth hour. Today, we will cut the last rotation short in order to return to quarters by the tenth hour. You may begin."

We all hurried to the line that marked the beginning point of the li-long oval path. Ricky, who'd deemed himself the loudest, counted us off from five and we all took off. Ten laps seemed easy enough- our rice fields were about thirty li long and fifteen li wide, and I ran those all of the time out of boredom. I pumped my arms and my legs, trying to keep a good, steady pace to finish the ten li by the sixth hour. Carl didn't deem it possible; I was going to prove him wrong.

Everyone else was astounded by my speed. Even the athletic Peter seemed shocked that I could run faster than him. Felix was fast as well; he had the natural body of an athlete, but he couldn't quite keep up with me. It took me a matter of minutes before I'd lapped both Ricky and Harry. When I eventually stopped running, Carl had left, but no one else was done. I supposed it was time for me to figure out where Monty was. He was in one of the rooms along the sides of the arena, and the room itself was empty.

"Are you Regent Monogram's son?" I asked, making sure that I'd found the right person.

"Yes, yes I am," he nodded. He was a young boy of about thirteen or so, most likely younger than all of us. "You must be the first of the five warriors that I will be working with on the art of endurance. What is your name?"

"Perry," I said.

"Well, then, Perry, let us begin, shall we?" Monty smiled at me.

For the next two hours, I ran and lifted heavy things (such as two buckets of water on a pole) until I could no longer perform what he'd asked me to do. He told me that my endurance was outstanding. I let him know that I was an 'active teenager.'

Next, I went to kung fu training for two hours. Master Silent G was also astounded by my performance. He told me that he'd never even seen warrior's sons exert such well-timed and beautiful moves. I simply shrugged. Telling him how I, a peasant, knew kung fu was not on my list of 'top twenty things to do before I die.' Nor was it on my bucket list.

Following kung fu was Confucian scholarly with Master Terry. He was a little frustrated that I couldn't read or write, much less speak Mandarin, but he told me that he'd start from the beginning and teach me the Mandarin language before we were to start on any education of the Confucian belief.

After a struggling lesson of Mandarin, I looped back around to Carl, who simply educated me on types of weapons and what they should be used for. When he brought out a pair of nuchucks, I asked if that's what upperclassmen used to beat their disobedient children with. Carl gave me a shocked look and exclaimed that no one should be using weapons of such design to whip their kids. I simply shrugged and told him it was just a question.

The final lesson of the day was a lesson of the mind with Master Sergei. He gave me a long, drawn-out lecture on the importance of using the mind in combat. I asked him how we as humans could learn tricks from little green men on swamp planets, but he just told me to hush and meditate for a while. Meditating proved hard, as you have to clear your thoughts, and mine kept wandering back to noodles and fancy pudding.

We all regrouped at the tenth hour and began the tiring journey back home. Felix was the only one who was super-excited after a long day of work. His excitement was creepy to me; he acted very similarly to my sisters when they found a cute boy that liked them. I shuddered and tried not to compare Felix to my sisters. Our entire group made it back to the warriors' quarters at around the twelfth hour.

"I am so tired," I said, tossing my backpack down with the others.

"Yeah," Felix shrugged, still bouncing on his feet. "So, we're allowed to go chill tonight downtown, wanna come?"

"What on Earth can you do in the middle of the night?" I asked, rubbing my eyes a little.

"Oh, there's all sorts of stuff!" Peter chimed in. "Food, dancing, parties, food, girls, games, food, festivities…did I fail to mention food?"

"Nope, you've said it three times now," Felix rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, you totally should," Peter grinned.

"I don't know," I scratched the back of my head nervously. "Is it okay with Regent Monogram and General Carl?"

"Trust me," Felix waved his hand. "They don't give a crap."

"If you insist," I said, following behind Felix slowly.

"Yay!" he smiled big. "We're going to have so much fun!"

I started to wonder what he meant by fun.

* * *

**Fun...good...clean...fun.**


	5. Midnight Mania

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Okay, so I was feeling a little crazy when I wrote this. Excuse my mentalness. -AJ**

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We made our way downtown as a group. I had to admit, the Tri-Province Area was beautiful at night. Lanterns lit up the yurts for as far as the eye could see. The thought of light at night truly perplexed me; I'd known about lanterns, of course, but in Xihoudu we only used them for obnoxious Taoist rituals and chasing after rogue chickens after dark. It had never once occurred to anyone there to use lanterns as a means of lighting streets.

The night life here was even more astounding than the fact that there were lanterns dotting the streets. Several yurts were lit up on the inside as well; some served food, some were bars, and others, to my amazement, were places where one could go simply to listen and dance to music. Felix laughed at my wonder and politely told me that he, too, had reacted similarly when first coming to the Tri-Province Area. I asked how he'd ever gotten used to such insanity, but all he did was shrug and laugh. It was then that I noticed for the first time that he talked very oddly- almost as if his voice wasn't as deep as it sounded. Perhaps my ears were over-tired or something.

Our first stop was a little noodle shop owned by a farming family. We each bought a large bowl and competed to see who could down their bowl first. Felix was first, of course, and I pulled a close second. (It was the sole advantage of never eating 'enough' and having several siblings; we were always starving and competing for food). I gave compliments to the cooks, which were relayed in Mandarin to the couple, who didn't understand a word of Cantonese. (I was fortunate that all of my fellow trainees spoke Cantonese; it was a much less-known variant of traditional Chinese). Laughing at my inability to speak in the common tongue, they pulled me back out into the streets and proceeded to tickle and poke at me.

"I can't believe you just did that," Ricky laughed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah, Perry, you're a trip, man, a real trip."

"Well, I don't know any Mandarin," I shrugged. "How else was I supposed to say 'thanks, your noodles are great' without confusing myself?"

"Did you just say my noodles are great?" Ricky smirked. I went to respond, but he just fell over and howled with laughter. Peter and Harry joined in, but I don't think they understood what he meant. Either that, or they just laughed nervously all of the time. "Oh, I swear, Perry! You are truly something else."

"Yup," I nodded. "Exactly what Mei-Lu told me after we-"

"Stop, stop! I'm dying here!" Peter threw out a hand. "Dang, wait, a girl thinks you're that good? Dang!"

"What can I say?" I smiled. "I know how to get it done."

At that, they all fell over and started laughing uncontrollably. A few peasants passed by us and gave us skeptical looks, so I waved them on and told them that my friends had just hit a little too hard on the Sake- that only produced even more laughing and I think it's safe to say that Harry peed himself. The peasants just hurried by faster, ready to get away from the lunatics that wouldn't stop laughing even if Regent Monogram had walked up to them.

After they'd all composed themselves, Ricky dared us all to walk up into a bar and see who could get drunk the fastest. Peter argued that it would most certainly be Felix, as he had a low stability in the first place, but Ricky was certain it'd be me- he'd never seen me drink a Sake before, obviously. Felix said something about 'his vows to nature and his body,' which confused us all, but I never went out on a dare. I'd be the last one standing if I had to- it was probably that attitude that got me in trouble most of the time. Excited that I was willing to take up his dare, Ricky steered in the direction of the closest bar.

We ended up in a large joint that was full of people from different lives. Peasants, scholars, and merchants were all together, talking amongst one another as if there was no difference between each other. (It was either Utopia or everyone was wasted…I couldn't decide which made more sense). Ricky pulled me up to the bar and started blathering off to the bartender in Mandarin. What I gathered was that he wanted to see who could down the most Sake before passing out. For a brief moment, Ricky turned to ask me what kind of Sake I could handle best, to which I replied Ang Jiu, then he continued to chat with the man for a while. He turned back to me eventually and grinned.

"You do this often?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," Ricky nodded. "This bartender knows me well. I've never lost one of these dares before. Although you're the first to suggest Ang Jiu. Interesting choice of Sake, might I say. I've never tasted it before."

"It's the only Sake I can stomach," I said, smiling a little. "Everything else- well, let's just say I end up with a really bad hangover and then some."

"We'll see about that," Ricky smirked.

The bartender set out twenty-four small glasses of Ang Jiu in front of us; twelve in a triangle in front of Ricky, and vice versa for me. He explained the rules to Ricky, who in turn translated for me. Basically, we'd both down one then see if either was unstable. Whoever passed out first was the loser, naturally.

"You ready, rice farmer?" Ricky sneered, in a joking manner.

"Heck yes," I furrowed my brow. "I was born ready."

Ricky picked up his first glass and swallowed it with ease. He set the glass down upside-down and crossed his arms. In an effort to show him up, I swallowed mine faster than he had downed his and slapped it down on the table. Shocked at my boldness, he picked up his second glass and downed it equally as fast. I surprised him again by taking the next in one swallow.

And back and forth went the game. He'd swallow his, and I'd inhale mine. Eventually, we'd both completely downed the twelve drinks we'd been given and the bartender had filled up twelve more. As Ricky reached for his last glass, I could see his hand shaking as he tried to fight the effects of the Sake on his brain.

"You could just give up," I smirked, already knowing that I'd won.

"I won't…lose…to a petty…rice farmer's…kid," he slurred, still groping for the glass. I chuckled and watched him carefully. "Never…never gone this long…"

"Yes, I can tell," I nodded. "Like I said, you can give up now."

"Never…" he murmured, but he didn't remain conscious long enough to prove me wrong. He slumped over on the floor, out like a light. I picked up the last of my glasses and quickly drank it, causing the crowd around us to break out in mass hysteria. Throwing the glass down, I waved for Harry and Peter to come get Ricky, and the hysterical bartender leapt up on the table and started screaming excitedly at me in Mandarin. (Felix later told me that he was screaming 'That's a peasant, everyone! The peasant outdid the upper-classman!' to which I simply laughed).

We made our way back to the quarters as best as we could. Ricky, of course, was passed out and being carried by Peter and Harry by the arms. Felix let me hold onto his arm while we walked. The effects of the alcohol hadn't hit me immediately, but now I was stumbling everywhere and acting a fool. (I was later informed that I'd attempted to flirt with every woman that passed by us and even tried to kiss Peter at one point).

I was tossed in bed that night truly unsure of how the night had played out. Go figure.

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**Okay, so in the last chapter's A/N I sorta lied. It wasn't clean fun. At all.**


	6. Felix Fatale

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Yup. I'm updating. Please review, I'm anxious to see these reactions! -AJ**

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We woke up the following morning and enjoyed another day of training. Carl made certain to tell us that it was unfair to let a peasant and an upperclassman compete to see who could get wasted first, so we were told not to get drunk tonight. At the twelfth hour, we trudged back into the warrior's quarters and began to ready ourselves for bed. Ignoring Carl's earlier warning, Ricky, Harry, and Peter went downtown again to buy some noodles and perhaps challenge another person to a Sake-fest. I decided to stay back with Felix.

He went into the bathroom and told me he'd take a shower. I just let him go, then explored the kitchen for a little bit. Not being used to three square meals a day, I only snatched a few snacks and nibbled on them while I waited for him to finish up. I then noticed that he took freakishly long showers, and I needed to get clean desperately, so I walked into the bathing area in hopes that it wouldn't bother him if I took the other shower. Unfortunately, it was more disturbing for me than it was for Felix.

When I walked in, I heard the most musical voice I'd ever heard. Wherever it was coming from, that person was singing in the most amazing way. I smiled a little and continued on into the bathroom. Pulling out a toothbrush, I began to clean my teeth with my backs to the showers. That's when I realized that it was Felix that was singing.

"Um, Felix?" I said, not wanting to turn around and see him without his shang on. "How do you make your voice sound so feminine when you sing?"

Startled by my words, Felix grabbed the closest towel and covered up. I tapped my toothbrush on the side of the sink and placed it back in its holder, not thinking much of it. I could hear Felix frantically trying to hide from me. Sighing, I decided to just be upfront.

"Felix, we're both guys here, it's not like we don't have the same things the other's got," I frowned, turning around. "Or did I just scare you?"

"Yeah, you totally scared me!" Felix shrieked. The voice I was hearing was high-pitched and very feminine sounding. I blinked and stared at the fox for a moment. "I- oh no…"

"Did someone kick you hard in the-?"

"No! No, Perry, you've got it all wrong!" said Felix. "I'll tell you if you swear not to tell the others, okay?"

"Y-you're a eunuch, a-aren't you?!" I said, grabbing my head, trying hard not to freak out.

"Perry, shut up!" Felix tucked in the towel, then ran and covered my bill with one hand. I tried to pry it off, but Felix was definitely not letting go. "I am not a eunuch! That is a strictly male thing!"

"Hmm?!" I exclaimed, though with his, er, her, hand over my bill the way it was it sounded more like an agitated hum.

"Yes," Felix hissed. "I am a girl. If you tell one soul, I'm telling you one soul, I swear I will give you a beating you'll never forget!"

"Mm…" I nodded. She let go of my bill and backed up a little, unsure if she could trust me or not. "That…is only…because…I won't hit…a girl…"

Felix, or whatever her real name was, took one fist and brought it hard across my cheek. My skin stung from the contact, and I could feel a little blood trickling out where my teeth had cut the inside of my mouth. I rubbed my cheek and stared hard at her.

"What was that for?!" I yelled, spitting a little blood out.

"You men are all sexist pigs," she huffed, folding her arms. "Can't hit a girl…"

"Well, I'm sorry, Felix, for respecting you as a female," I said indignantly. "Would you care for me to hit back?"

"As if you could ever do it," she growled. "And my real name is Fujita."

"Like, the Japanese mountain…?" I blinked.

"That's Fuji!" she facepalmed.

"Sorry?" I shrugged. "Look, I know as much about Japan as you do having male instincts, okay? But I have to give it to you, you can nail a male voice."

"Obviously," she sighed.

"I still don't know that I want to keep hiding this, though," I frowned. "If anyone should be told, it should be Carl or Regent Monogram. Someone has to know that you're not a guy. I mean, what happens if you start your period or something?"

"Is that really the first thought in your head?" Fujita rolled her eyes.

"It's not, it's the second thought," I crossed my arms matter-of-factly.

"What's the first, then?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Anyways, we're getting off topic, Fuji," I waved a hand. "The main gist of this conversation is to determine whether I should reveal your femininity or not."

"It's Fujita!" she snarled. "And answer my question! You're avoiding!"

"Well, duh," I said, sucking my teeth at her.

"Will you be a gentleman and please answer my question?" Fujita put her hands on her hips defiantly and stepped closer. I grabbed ahold of the edge of the sink and leaned back as far as I could without hitting the wall. "I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me."

"The first thing that's always on a guy's mind, Fuji!" I said, grinning awkwardly. I could feel nervous drops of sweat run down my forehead. This, of course, led to another slap across the face, but I pretty much deserved it that time.

"Is that all men ever think about?!" she said with disgust, forgetting instantly that I'd said her name wrong.

"Not entirely," I admitted, rubbing my sore cheek. "But most of the time, yes."

"Ugh, so you find out I'm a girl and that's the first thing you think of!" Fujita sighed. "Do I have a right to feel violated? You're such a pervert!"

"It's not pervert if you like it," I pointed out. She pulled her hand back to slap me again, but hesitated.

"Wait, what are you implying…?" she stared at me with wide eyes.

"You can't hide it, you like me," I snickered. Her face contorted in frustration. I could tell that she was fighting between wanting to submit and admit I was right or to backhand me. Her response was, instead, to pull me forward and kiss me. When she let go, all I could do was stare at her in shock.

"I-I'm sorry," she apologized, sitting back. "I-I didn't mean to."

"No, no, you're fine," I blushed.

"Really?" she half-smiled at me.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"So, it doesn't bother you?" she asked, cocking her head a little to make sure I was in my right mind.

"I'm positive," I laughed. To prove my point, I pulled her forward and kissed her again. This time, though, she wrapped her arms around my neck and held on tightly.

"Can I be all yours?" she kissed me on the cheek.

"Of course," I nuzzled her. "All mine."

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**Who likes that twist? **


	7. Madly in Love

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Oh, this was fun! It was supposed to be a freakishly short chapter. But inspiration hit me. -AJ**

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"It doesn't bother you that we're in the bathroom?" Fujita asked me.

"As long as you're here, I could care less," I said, nipping at her fur again. She laughed a little and wrapped her tail around my waist. I chattered happily and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"Whatever you say, my love," she nuzzled her nose against my bill affectionately. We'd already gone from just knowing each other to being past the friend zone in about fifteen minutes. This was more than I would have asked of her, but I wasn't about to argue any intimacy. I was quite enjoying having her warm body pressed against mine. "If it's not awkward to you, it's not awkward to me."  
"Well, that's a relief," I chuckled. I gently kissed her on the cheek. "I'd hate for you to feel awkward."

"Mm," she murmured. A soft growl emitted from her throat.

"Oh, playful much?" I smiled. I grabbed her shoulders firmly and flipped her over so that I was now on top of her. She laughed, and I took some of her fur in my teeth and pulled.

"Oh, you wanna play that game?" she giggled. I felt her gently nipping at my cheek. "Mm, tasty, sexy Perry."

"You taste better," I chattered back. I licked her fur down from where I'd ruffled it up. She started to lick me back. Not that it mattered. Our current mood would have our fur looking as if we'd braved a tornado. Smiling, I nuzzled her cheek gently. "No one's ever made me so happy before."

"I'm glad I can make you that happy, baby," she said, returning my smile.

"Fuji, you've made my world complete," I said, pulling her close. My head rested on her chest. I listened to the rhythmic beating of her heart and sighed happily. Taking one finger, I slowly ran it down her side until I stopped at her waistline. She shivered a little. "Oh, is someone ticklish?"

"Perry!" Fuji laughed. I took her head in my hands and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tight.

"You okay?" I whispered.

"Of course I'm okay," she reassured me. "I just don't want you to let go."

"Don't worry," I chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere for a good long while."

I stroked the back of her head, enjoying the feel of her soft fur through my fingers. She made an almost purring sound. The feeling of her throat strummed on my fingers like a harpsichord. Her heart beat in her chest like a drum. Every breath she took was the light stroke of a piano key. All in all, her love was like a symphony.

"Do you really love me?" she asked, staring into my eyes.

"_Yeah_," I sang. "_I hear you breathing in. Another day begins. The stars are falling out. My dreams are fading now; fading out. I've been keeping my eyes wide open. I've been keeping my eyes wide open._

_ "Oh, your love is a symphony; all around me; running through me. And, oh, your love is a melody; underneath me; running to me. Oh, your love is a song._

_ "The dawn is bright against the city lights. The clouds are glowing now. The moon is blacking out, blacking out. So I've been keeping my mind wide open. I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah._

_ "Oh, your love is a symphony; all around me; running through me. And, oh, your love is a melody; underneath me; running to me. Oh, your love is a song; your love is a song. Oh, your love is a song; your love is strong. _

_ "With my eyes wide open; I've got my eyes wide open. I've been keeping my hopes unbroken, yeah. _

_ "Oh, your love is a symphony; all around me; running through me. And, oh, your love is a melody; underneath me; running to me. Oh, your love is a song. Yeah, yeah, your love is my remedy. Oh, your love is a song._" **(A/N: In italics, this song is 'Your Love is a Song,' by Switchfoot.) **

Fuji hugged me tighter. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Never before had someone made me so happy. My life felt new when I held her there. All of the bad things I'd ever done; I felt like repenting and striving for perfection. I actually found myself wanting to beg forgiveness of my parents and everyone else I'd wronged. Her presence was intoxicating. I couldn't sum up love at first sight; I could only embrace it.

"That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me," she said. I could hear her trying to hold back happy tears. "No one has ever told me anything close to that before."

"I've never told anyone else that before," I smiled. "You're the only one."

She pulled me closer and sobbed tears of joy. I felt so loved. I rubbed her back and held her close to me, treasuring the moment. It was unreal to think that I finally loved the person I was with, and that she loved me back just as much as I loved her. Paradise had truly found me. Nothing could have made me happier in that moment. Nothing at all.

"I don't deserve you," Fuji sniffed, choking back a sob. "I could never have earned your love. I'm not worth it."

"You never had to," I whispered quietly in her ear. "You earned me fair and square. You're a thousand times worth it."

I pulled her to me in another kiss. We were so lost in each other that we didn't even notice someone enter the bathroom. However, when that person shrieked, we both looked up in the direction of the exclamation to see that Ricky had walked in.

"PERRY?! FELIX?! THAT IS SO GROSS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!" he shouted. "CAN YOU TWO GO BE HOMO SOMEWHERE ELSE?!"

"Relax, Ricky, we're not homo, I swear!" I said, putting a hand up.

"NOT HOMO?!" Ricky gasped. "YOU TWO ARE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER AND TRYING TO-"

"I-am-a-girl!" Fuji hissed, annoyed that Ricky had interrupted our intimate session.

"So, wait, Perry's actually…?" Ricky fell to the floor, having fainted from shock. I suppose that Fuji and I should no longer get it in while in the bathroom. We both stood up and walked over to the unconscious Ricky.

"Yikes, poor guy," Fuji sighed. "I think we terrified him."

"Yeah," I nodded. "You think he'll remember this at all?"

"There is no doubt in my mind that he will," Fuji sighed.

"Crap," I said under my breath. "Should we, ya know, dump some water on him or something to wake him up?"

"Nah, let's just leave him here," Fuji suggested. "I think we've done enough harm to him already."

"Then, we shouldn't tell him we started on the sink, right?"

"Definitely not."

* * *

**Poor, poor Ricky.**


	8. Training is Best Expressed in Song

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Inspired by a friend I'll refer to as "Rindaja." She is always singing this song, and I found it ironic that one of you reviewers thought of it as well. I looked up the lyrics and own none of it. It's all Disney! -AJ**

* * *

We gathered in the arena the next morning, but Carl had instructed us to all remain in the center of the track. Today started our group training. Each of us took our proper place in line and awaited our general with perfect posture. Ricky had not, thank goodness, told Carl that Fuji was a girl, but she still seemed a bit nervous around the other warriors. Carl stepped out onto the green and looked us over.

"Good morning, warriors," he said curtly.

"Good morning, sir!" we replied in unison.

"Now, today starts the group training session," Carl paced back and forth in front of us, staring us all down. "If you think it has been hard up until now, I assure you that it will only get harder. Am I understood?"

"Yes, General!" we sang.

"Good," he smiled. He picked up bunch of sticks and began to pass them to us. "I think that this is best expressed in song, though."

"Oh crap…" Ricky said under his breath.

"_Let's get down to business - to defeat the Huns. Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I've ever met, but you can bet before we're through-_

_Mister, I'll make a man out of you,_" Carl sang, looking directly at the poor raccoon. "It's better than Justin Bieber," I whispered to him. "_Tranquil as a forest; but on fire within,_" Carl motioned for us to repeat kung fu moves after him. We did so, still confused as to the singing. "_Once you find your center, you are sure to win!_ _You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot,_ _and you haven't got a clue._ _Somehow I'll make a man out of you._"

"_I'm never gonna catch my breath; say goodbye to those who knew me!_" Peter chimed in.

"_Boy, I was a fool in school for cutting gym!_" Ricky threw in.

"_This guy's got 'em scared to death,_" I mused.

"_Hope he doesn't see right through me…_" Fuji breathed.

"_Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!_" Harry yelped, looking at a lake behind us.

"_Be a man!_" Carl told us.

"_We must be swift as the coursing river!_" we sang back.

"_Be a man!_"

"_With all the force of a great typhoon!_"

"_Be a man!_"

"_With all the strength of a raging fire; mysterious as the dark side of the moon!_"

"_Time is reaching toward us 'til the Huns arrive,_" Carl explained. "_Heed my every order, and you might survive. You're unsuited for the rage of war, and you haven't got a clue. How can I make a man out of you?_"

He turned and faced us, as if the decision was truly up to us. We all grabbed both ends of the staffs and pushed them out in front of us, trying to prove our loyalty.

"_Be a man!_" Carl ordered.

"_We must be swift as the coursing river!_" we sang back.

"_Be a man!_"

"_With all the force of a great typhoon!_"

"_Be a man!_"

"_With all the strength of a raging fire; mysterious as the dark side of the moon!_"

Carl smiled at us, seemingly satisfied with our musical number. **(A/N: Song; Disney's _Mulan_)**

* * *

**That was fun. I promise I'll be more serious next time. xD**


	9. The Impassable Test

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Alright, you guys have probably had it with my singing. No singing this chapter, just pure...well, I'll let the story tell itself. -AJ**

* * *

On the final day of our training, Carl brought us out into the forest. We happily traveled along behind him, glad for a change of scenery. I stayed back behind everyone talking to Fuji. No one had found out she was a girl other than Ricky and I. To be honest, I don't think Ricky had believed what he'd seen. As we passed under a cherry tree, I pulled a flower off and handed it to Fuji.

"Thanks," she blushed.

"No problem," I smiled. She smiled back at me and giggled a little. "So what do you think Carl's gonna have us do out here?"

"Who knows," Fuji shrugged. "Juggle red pandas?"

"Now why in Zhongguo would he have us do that?" I laughed.

"He's Carl," Fuji shook her head. "Don't put anything out of the equation until it's been proven that it belongs out of the equation."

"What do you mean by that?" I stopped. Something in her voice tone changed when she'd said that. She paused for a moment.

"Oh, you know…anything is possible until it's been proven impossible," she restated, then kept walking. The statement worried me a little. It was almost as if she was hiding something from me. I ran to catch up with her.

"Sure," I nodded.

"Alright, warriors, in formation facing the shorefront, please!" Carl barked. We dropped our things and lined up at attention. Carl took up his usual habit of pacing back in forth in front of us. He stopped to the left side of our line and waved an arm out over the rushing river behind us. "Can anyone tell me what river this is?"

"The Yangtze?" Ricky asked, unsure of his answer.

"Wrong," Carl said flatly. "It is the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness. The river got its name from the extremely swift waters and numerous rocks and falls that will tear a boat to shreds in a maximum time of twelve seconds."

"Yikes…" Peter said under his breath.

"Does anyone know the name of the mountain directly across from it?" Carl raised an eyebrow curiously. He pointed up at the steep peak.

"Is it one of the Five?" Harry furrowed his brow in thought. Now, he was referring to the Five Great Mountains; Tai Shan (the tranquil mount), Hua Shan (the splendid mount), Hunan (the balancing mount), Shanxi (the permanent mount), and Song Shan (the lofty mount).

"No," Carl shook his head.

"Perhaps one Buddha's Four?" Peter suggested. He was mentioning the Four Sacred Mountains of Buddhism; Wutai Shan (the five-platform mount), Emei Shan (the high and lofty mount), Jiuhua Shan (the nine glories mount), and Putuo Shan.

"Again, no," Carl frowned.

"Could it be one of Lao Tzu's Four?" Fuji cocked her head. She was talking about the Four Sacred Mountains of Taoism; Wudang Shan, Longhu Shan (the dragon tiger mount), Qiyun Shan (the mount as high as the clouds), and Qingcheng Shan (the most secluded place in all of China).

"Once more, no," Carl sighed. "The mountain you see behind me is the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness. It is the steepest peak in all of China. No man or beast has ever climbed it, and none have even crossed the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness."

"Who names all of this?" I made a face.

"Oh, the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness," Carl smiled. He pointed to a man sitting in a booth right next to the river. The man looked up and smiled wide.

"Hello! Salutations! Good morrow to you! Ni hao! Greetings-" the scribe rambled on. Carl rolled his eyes and talked over top of the man as best as he could.

"Anyways, the point of me-"

"-Aloha! Great day! Nice to see you-"

"-bringing you out here today-"

"-Ciao! Bonjour! Konn'ichi wa! Hola-"

"-is so that you all may-"

"-Hi there! Guten tag! Shalom! Ha-"

"DO YOU MIND?!" Carl yelled at the scribe. The man ducked underneath his booth and did his best to be unseen. Taking a deep breath, Carl turned back to us and rubbed his temples. "Who needs me to repeat that?"

"I do," Ricky raised his hand. The rest of us raised our hands as well. Carl sighed.

"Okay, so the reason that I brought you out here today is simple," Carl told us. "I am giving you the entire day to see who can cross the river and climb the mountain. Whoever gets the furthest will be the head warrior and will not have to pass the Regent's leadership test. Any questions before I leave you to the test?"

Peter put his hand up.

"Yes, Peter?" Carl asked.

"Can I go pee?" Peter grinned sheepishly.

"Didn't we- Peter!" Carl slapped his own forehead. "I told you to go before we left! Did I not say that?! I could have sworn I said that! Perry, didn't I say that?!"

"Yes, sir," I nodded, turning red.

"Go! Just…find a bush or something," Carl groaned. Peter walked off into the bushes. "And stop staring over the top like a creeper, that's just gross!"

We waited about ten minutes for Peter to finish relieving himself. I told him it wasn't a smart idea to drink three gallons of water before we went on a walk, but what did Peter do? Well, you know the answer to that already, but still! He walked back over and grinned again.

"Okay, I'm done," he said.

"Well it's about time!" Carl crossed his arms. "You may all begin the test now."

With that being said, Carl walked off in the direction of the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness. I hoped that poor guy would be okay. Everyone at once began to plan on how they'd cross the river and scale the mountain. I simply found a grappling hook, tied one end around my waist, then threw the other end across the river while none of the others were watching. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a long running start, then leapt across the water at the last moment. I held onto the rope for dear life and didn't open my eyes until after I'd run face-first into the mountain itself.

Content with simply crossing the river, I quickly began to ascend the mountain. In all my years of working on the rice farm, I'd never done something this strenuous. The mountain was several miles high, and there wasn't a single flat space that was more than a foot long. However, I reached the top in a matter of hours. But back down at the base…

"Guys, where's Perry?!" Carl asked.

They all pointed up. Carl's eyes followed their pointing fingers to the mountain top, then dropped to the river. Astonishment was written all over his face.

"That wasn't supposed to be possible…" Carl breathed.

* * *

**Okay, somewhat serious. Except for Peter the panda. .-. **


	10. I Was So Rudely Interrupted

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**FYI, the person being attacked here is Killua (soooo sorry babes xD) -AJ**

* * *

Okay, someone, and I'm not saying who, was nice enough to rudely interrupt my story-telling and tell me, Yazuishou, Perry, as the narrator, that I might have left a huge gap in the previous chapter about how I climbed the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness. Well, _excuse me_ for not mentioning that, Killua. Okay, fine, I said your alias. Big deal. Get over it, dude. Are you doubting that I actually did that? Because I've got an arsenal of fan-girls that might love to put some hurt on you for doubting my amazing skills.

Since you have blatantly pointed out my blight, let me tell you, Mister Killua, that as a reviewer and the, cough, _editor and moderator_ of this stuff that goes on this website alongside Waffleman, you are supposed to criticize the author, NOT THE NARROTOR. Go nag to AJ ThaPlatypus about these issues, she's the one in charge of me. But don't come to me whining and complaining because it was never mentioned how I climbed a stupid mountain.

And, for your information, I climbed it with my grappling hook, gumption, my hands, my feet, and a jar of peanut butter. It was a long process- it took me hours to reach the peak. Sweat poured down my face, a few rocks fell next to me, and it was colder than anything in the entirety of America. What more do you want me to say?

Right now, I wish to thank all of those reviewers who call out the author instead of the narrator. You have made me feel better about my narration of my life. Each and every one of you is amazing. Well, Killua, you've upset me. But everyone else is awesome and deserves from free cookies. AJ made some of Lottie Moon's special tea cakes, a Chinese cookie, if you want to try them virtually.

Now that I've completely and utterly lost my point, would someone kindly remind me where I was?

* * *

**I'm sorry. But Killua totally deserved that. **


	11. It's All in My Head

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Getting a little weird, ya'll. -AJ**

* * *

Anyways, while Carl and my fellow warriors-in-training were gawking at the fact that I'd climbed the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness, I was still up at the very tip-top of it looking over the scene in wonder. An abandoned temple sat here, seemingly unaffected by time. I walked around and marveled at it. In some places, there was the same equipment that we as warriors used. I made a mental note to set my retirement here.

As I walked along, I came across a small green being with rather large ears. He was sitting cross-legged in front of a swamp- just on the edge of a dock that was jutting out into it, anyways. Both of his eyes were shut tight. I started to tiptoe away from the dock, but he shook one finger side-to-side.

"That I would not do, if you I was," he said. I stopped in my tracks and raised one eyebrow. How the heck did he know I was there? I hadn't made a single sound. He stood up and turned around. "Adoy, I am. And you are?"

"Perry," I said blankly. "So, Adoy-"

"Master Adoy, to you that is," he said calmly.

"Right, Master Adoy," I rolled my eyes. "Could you tell me what you're doing up here? Like, have you always been here, or is this just a chill spot for you?"

"Here I came, you to see," he smiled.

"Where did you come from?" I frowned.

"Little swamp planet, came I from," he nodded. "Far, far, away, a galaxy in-"

"Yes, yes, I know how the Star Wars bit goes," I waved my hands. "It's nice of you to want to do the whole Yoda thing, really, but I'm curious why you came to see me, of all the people in Zhongguo."

"Skilled warrior are you," Adoy noted. "Passed the 'impassable test,' have not you?"

"Impassable?" I blinked.

"Yes," he grinned. "Never yet has one up here made it. Your general, strong must he be, and great leader, also."

"And you want to do…what to me?" I bit the bottom of my bill nervously.

"To make use better of the mind, do I," Adoy nodded. "Mind of warrior, focused must it be. Focused on what is important. If not focused, good is not the mind and good is not the warrior."

"What?" I frowned. He was making no sense at all.

"Teach you, I will, to use the forces of the mind to control fate and focus your mind," Adoy said flatly. He walked closer to me. "Me you must follow, young platypus."

He walked off in the direction of the temple and sat down at the steps. When I got there, he already appeared to be meditating again. I rolled my eyes and started to walk off, but he instructed me to sit down and do as he was doing. Adoy said for me to follow every instruction he gave, no matter how odd it sounded.

Sighing, I did as I was told and began to meditate. He told me to try and connect with the forces of nature and channel my energy with it. At first, I scoffed at the thought in my head, but as I tried to do so, I felt more power running through my head than I'd ever felt before. It was like a burst of adrenaline, only better.

Adoy instructed me to focus all of that energy and tell a rock to levitate. I again didn't deem the feat possible, but seeing as the first had worked, why shouldn't I give the second a whirl, right? Concentrating hard, I thought hard about lifting that rock with my mind. Cracking my eyes open a little, I saw a boulder to the right of Adoy (my left) moving side to side, as if it was being pulled out of the ground. Excited, I focused the energy even more and managed to lift the rock out of the ground and suspend it in the air in a matter of seconds. Adoy hopped up and began to applaud me.

"Well, that was! Very well!" he exclaimed.

"C-can I p-put the rock down, y-yet?" I said, suddenly feeling the strain of lifting heavy things with one's mind.

"Of course," Adoy nodded.

"Thanks," I breathed, setting the boulder down next to him. He edged away from it a little and smiled up at it.

"Much progress, have you made," he sighed. He pointed to a large teal and orange contraption behind him. "If ever in need of me you are, this will take you to home planet, it will. I there await you shall."

"But now what am I to do?" I asked.

"Take what you learned and use it, young platypus," Adoy smiled. "Protect your land, you will. Safe, will you keep it."

"And what about you?" I frowned.

"Go back to home, I will," Adoy put his hands together and bowed.. I returned his gesture. "And you, you must return to your general, no? He awaits you at mountain base."

I watched as Adoy disappeared from sight. It had been the strangest encounter I'd ever had, but it was worth it. Sighing, I turned and began my trek back down the mountain.

* * *

**I...I had a moment he, he. **


	12. Amazing Accomplishment, Yazuishou

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Super long chapter, bear with me. Lots that had to be said here. -AJ**

* * *

I landed on the other side of the river and dusted myself off. It was pitch black by the time I had reached the mountain's base. The others had long since gone back to the warrior's quarters. Carl was sitting underneath a tree to my left. He was whittling a staff, I suppose to bide time while he was waiting for me. Bouncing on my sore arches a little, I walked over to him and waited to see if he needed to tell me something. He sat there for the longest time, shaving away the rough edges of the staff. I ran my tongue along my teeth, wanting to break the awkward silence, but afraid to.

"Is there anything you need me to do, sir?" I asked, shifting my feet a little.

"In all my life," he muttered, laughing to himself. Great. He wasn't going to answer me directly.

"Sir?" I blinked. He stood up and whirled the staff in his hand a little. Looking at me, he laughed again and tossed the staff at me. I caught it in both hands and glanced from it back to him.

"I have seen warriors who could take down men seven times their own strength and size," he smiled. "I've seen them outlast thousands of other warriors, having fought them each. Heck, I've even seen some survive the most lethal fatalities. But never, never in my life, have I seen anyone, or heard of anyone, for that matter, who has successfully reached the tip of that mountain."

"You must be exaggerating, sir," I swallowed. "I'm just a rice farmer."

"But you aren't just a rice farmer, Perry," Carl said, stooping down next to me. "You're so much more than that. You are the best at what we're training you to do. Don't tell yourself you're not ever again; that's an order."

"Yes, sir," I nodded. He beckoned for me to follow him and started off in the direction of the Regent's palace. I sprinted along after him.

"When we get back to the Regent, I'm going to immediately organize your promotion!" Carl said excitedly. He was walking at a brisk pace, obviously not willing to stop for a minute and let his tired trainee rest. Saying nothing, I jogged along behind him. "I can just see the look on the Regent's face now- Master Perry, you will be the greatest warrior in all of Zhongguo! In your face, Regent Initials! Eat your heart out, Regent Acronym!"

I watched him as he mimicked the Regent, not sure whether I should call for help or laugh. Eventually, I decided that neither was a good option in the long run. He was having fun anyways. If only there was some way to capture this moment and show it to everyone else; that would not only be amazing, but it would also be worth the watching over and over again with the guys…and Fuji.

We made our way back to the Tri-Province Area just like that. Carl, who for the life of him could not stop talking, mimicking, or occasionally singing, led the way, which I was glad for, as we didn't have a lantern and we had travelled several odd li from the palace gates this morning. By the time we reached the main gate, my legs felt like flimsy noodles. The gatekeeper let us pass without much inspection; he didn't want to cross Carl, obviously. (Although both you and I know I was more of a threat than Carl was).

Still thoroughly excited, Carl hastily told me to have a good night and take the day off tomorrow. The following day, he would induct everyone into their respective positions. Not willing to argue, I made my way back to the empty warrior's quarters and fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, I woke up to find everyone else fast asleep in their beds. Not wanting to wake anyone, I tiptoed out and proceeded to take a much needed shower. I turned the water on until it was blazing hot, then slid into the shower and let the steaming water run over my aching body. Reaching down, I picked up my personal cake of soap and lathered it up real well in my hands to get good suds. I then worked all of the sweat and grime out of my fur until it was cleaner than it had ever been. Satisfied, I washed all of the soap off and climbed out of the shower. Grabbing a towel, I dried myself off as best I could, then shook the rest of the water off so I could pull my clothes back on.

After I was properly dressed, I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a small sack of rice cakes, and headed out to the middle of the woods. I found a nice clearing and laid down in the middle of it. No one would guess that I was here. It was the perfect place to have a 'do-nothing day.' Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and did my best to relax. Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out one of the rice cakes and slipped it into my mouth.

"Nice day, isn't it?"

Opening my eyes, I looked to my right. No one was standing there, so I shifted my eyes to the left. Fuji was laying down next to me. How she'd gotten there without me hearing her was a mystery, but I didn't mind in the least. I bet it was the rice cakes, though.

"Yeah," I smiled.

"I can't believe it's been four whole months that we've known each other as each other," she laughed. "Crazy, huh?"

"Yeah," I repeated.

"Sorry that I woke up late," she apologized, even though I'd never asked her to get up early. "I was really tired. Then, when I woke up I was nauseous as heck."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Yeah?" she looked at me, confused.

"Wait, did you say nauseous?" I frowned, returning her gaze. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, um," she bit her lip and focused her stare in another direction. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was just…I guess I ate something weird last night."

I slid myself closer to her and sat up on my side. She looked back at me, her face twisted in self-battle. What was she so scared about? Nausea wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Everyone got it at one point in their life. Sighing, I placed a hand on her stomach and rubbed it a little. She tensed up at this.

"What?" I asked. "Don't like that?"

"Oh, no, I mean, I do, it's just…" she stopped. "Nothing. What are you…are you doing?"

"I'm just making sure my girl's okay," I smiled, nipping at her cheek. She laughed nervously. "You are okay, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," she nodded. "It was just nausea."

"Right," I kissed her. "You weren't sick, you were nervous about seeing your man climb a really tall mountain before bedtime."

"Shut up," she smirked. I crawled on top of her and hugged her. Laughing, Fuji flipped us over so that I was on the bottom and sat up. She was straddling my body with her legs, tracing her fingers on my chest. That's when I noticed something seemed different about her.

"Can I ask you a question?" I said, grabbing her wrists.

"Sure," she giggled. "Anything."

"Would it be rude to ask you if you've gained weight?" I asked her, casting a quick glance at her stomach before looking back up at her. She sat back a little, obviously taken aback by the question. "Was that not a good thing to ask?"

"No, no, you're fine," she blushed. Her eyes wandered off into the distance, locked on something behind me. "I just wasn't expecting you to ask that."

"I mean, I just noticed now," I told her, letting go of one of her hands and placing it against her abdomen. "You just look a little…rounder."

Her ears flattened against the back of her head. Obviously I'd struck a nerve. Perhaps she herself hadn't noticed this. I bit my tongue and scolded myself for asking such a question. She looked back at me and bit her lip.

"Yes, yes I do," she said quietly.

"Wait…you know this?" I blinked at her, astonished that she would admit that. She nodded her head slowly. I sat up and pulled her closer. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Y-yes," she stammered. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed and pressed her muzzle flat against my sternum. "I-I wasn't going to tell you this, b-but I think I have to."

"Tell me what?" I looked down at her and frowned. She took a deep breath and pulled back away from me a little so that her nose was just barely touching my bill. Her eyes locked with mine. So many emotions were flashing across them; fear, determination, anger, confusion.

"Perry…" she bit her lip. Her brow knit upwards as if it was paining her to tell me this. I grabbed her by the shoulders and waited for her to continue. She took another deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Not even a second had passed from the time the statement had left her lips to the time my mouth dropped open in shock. My grip tightened on her arms a little, creasing her yi a little bit. I felt as if the fact made her even more fragile than she had been before as a girl in a dangerous situation. Unable to control my emotions, I pulled her forward into a tight hug.

"Fuji, why didn't you tell me?" I asked her, stroking her fur gently. "You could have killed the baby with all of this exercise, why did you hide this? How pregnant are you? When were you going to tell me?"

"I wasn't!" she exclaimed, a little harder than I think she meant to. She grasped my fur in her fists and buried her head into my chest. "And I know, I just didn't want to go back to my parents after I abandoned them. Now I'm four months pregnant with your baby, and we're not even legally-"

"Fujita," I said softly. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Relax, I'm going to make sure you're okay. Both of you."

I placed both of my hands on her stomach and smiled weakly at her. Of course I'd spoken out of impulse. I was in no way ready to take care of a baby, and it wasn't like I had been responsible and done it with other children I'd had a part in making. The thought haunted me; I wanted to make this time right.

"But why?" she gave me a curious stare.

"Because," I swallowed. "I was never a good father to any of my other children. They've never even met me. When the Regent told me he would let me train as a warrior, I promised him that I would stop foolish behavior. When I mated with you, I promised that I was going to treat you right and take care of you no matter what. That means pregnant you, too."

She smiled a little bit and relaxed herself. I stood up and offered her a hand. Taking it, she got to her feet and started to walk back to the city. I followed her eagerly and locked her fingers with mine. Laughing, she squeezed her hand tightly against mine. We walked off in the direction of the Tri-Province Area for a ways before I said anything further.

"Fuji, will you let me tell the Regent?" I turned to her. She stopped in her tracks and bit her lip. "I'm sorry, but now that I know I'm really concerned about you two. I don't want you hurting yourself."

"Perry, I…do you know what they'd do to me if they knew I was a girl?" she looked up at me with scared eyes.

"They won't do anything if they want to keep me," I told her. "You're more important than any job."

"O-okay," she stammered. "Let's get this over with, then."

We quietly made our way back into the city and headed up to the Regent's palace. I helped her up the steps, but she didn't really need it; I was just being the goofy guy playing the over-courteous gentleman. (It made her laugh, it was so worth it). The doors opened wide, and I gave a salute to the men opening them for us.

Carl was the first to notice us. He ran over with a huge grin on his face and was about to tell me something, but then he noticed that I was holding her hand. Confused, he blinked a little, then stepped back to make sure he was seeing things correctly.

"Is there, um, something I should know," he swallowed.

"Well, yes," I looked at Fuji, who gave me a pained 'get it over with' glance. "Can you do me a huge favor and relieve her of training?"

"Say what?!" Carl did a double take. He looked Fuji up and down as if she was someone else entirely. "Felix, you're a girl?!"

"My name's actually Fujita," she nodded, hanging her head.

"Don't you know that impersonating a male to enter military forces is a very serious crime?" Carl knit his brow in frustration. I gave him a stern look. "Perry, don't you even. She's doing the most illegal act known to all of Zhongguo!"

"It would do you good to simply relieve her and no one else has to know," I said firmly. "She is in a fragile state and I don't want her to harm herself."

"Fragile?" Carl lifted an eyebrow.

"Perry-" Fuji started, but I stopped her.

"Fuji, you have to trust me," I said, looking her straight in the eyes. Sighing, she nodded. I turned back to Carl. "Sir, trust us; she needs to be taken care of, not harmed. I swear I'd give up any title to protect her."

"Unless you can prove that she's fragile, I'm standing with the regular punishment," Carl huffed. "So far, your appeal to love is not working."

"Forgive me, Fuji," I said, biting my bill. Taking a deep breath I stood up to my full height and furrowed my brow at the general. "Sir, I have full proof. Punishment is not going to be good for her, and it certainly won't help the baby."

Unable to respond, Carl just let his mouth fall open. He knew that I had an issue with such consequential things before, but he certainly had not expected this. Now he knew that at some point, when no one was paying us any mind, we'd been left alone.

"You promised the Regent that you would clean up your act," he said, dumbfounded.

"That I did," I nodded. "Which means that Fuji is my mate."

"In order to keep you as my top warrior, I have to refrain from executing punishment on her, don't I?" Carl closed his eyes.

"Bingo," I said.

"Felix, I release you from your duties as a warrior in training," Carl mumbled. "Now get her away from here before the Regent finds out. I doubt he'll pity her just for being pregnant. I hope you're happy, Perry."

"You will not regret this decision, sir," I saluted him.

That night, I went to the warrior's quarters and showered off. Ricky found me as I was drying off and considered it a great time to nag at me. That stupid raccoon couldn't find someone else to pick on?

"So, Perry," he smirked. "How's your girlfriend?"

"She's fine," I said flatly.

"Heard there was, um, a little big issue," he continued, stressing the end of 'issue' to insure that I understood his sarcasm.

"Ricky, if you had as much sense as you had wit, you'd have a chance at beating me at something," I told him dryly. "But, I think sense is a hereditary thing; guess you're family is a bunch of senseless weirdoes."

"You're asking for a beating," Ricky clenched his fists. I laughed.

"This is hilarious for two reasons," I snickered. "A, you can't beat me with anything, not even a set of nunchucks, and B, you would get in so much trouble with General Carl for laying so much as a finger on me before our promotions tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah?" he challenged. "What makes you so special?"

"How did you get here?" I demanded. "Carl picked me up personally."

"I got here with brains, kid," he spat. "You got lucky. I mean, if I found a slut like you wasted on the side of the road, I'd just leave you there to die. It's not like you peasants have feelings, or anything."

Infuriated, I turned and threw my fist as hard as I could into the bridge of his nose. Ricky yelped in pain and fell backwards. He scrambled back to his feet and got into the ready position. I chattered angrily at him, causing him to tense up. Walking over to him, I picked him up by the scruff of his neck and held him a little ways over my head so that he had to look down into my eyes.

"Listen here, you piece of upper class trash," I hissed. "Most of what I did was to feed my family, and the rest was to defy a jerk that treated my family like dirt. You scholars and merchants don't know what it's like to starve. You don't know what it's like to have nothing and have to work to have something. And if you dare call me a slut again, I swear I'll make you wish you were never born!"

Dropping him on the floor in a heap of dirty shangs, I stormed out of the bathroom without another word. Grabbing my pillow, I pulled it over my head and lay flat on my bed, not wanting to talk to anyone after the fight with Ricky. In fact, I didn't realize until the next morning that I had forgotten to don my sleepwear and was completely unclothed when I woke up, much to my dismay and Harry's horror. He told me he'd do his best to forget about it if I did the honor of fixing everyone breakfast; clothed. Rolling my eyes, I pulled on my formal attire and combed my hair, and then headed downstairs to fix the meal.

As I was born and bred Cantonese, it was only natural that I would fix a Cantonese style yam cha and dim sun. (Yam cha, if you must know, is tea and dim sun is a variety of steamed, deep fried, or boiled snacks). I went with a typical ha gao for the dim sun portion. (That's pretty much like a clear rice-flour 'tortilla,' if you will, that is stuffed with minced meat; typically shrimp.) Also, for the ones with a more particular sense of taste, I fixed some noodles. Lastly, I reheated some zongzi just because. (This type of Chinese dish is a pyramid-shaped sticky rice meal that is often wrapped in bamboo or leaves. Depending on the taste one is going for, either sweet bean paste or pork and chestnuts will be stuffed in the center. It also takes forever to cook them). When I finished, I set everything out on the table and went outside for a few minutes while I waited for everyone.

I sat down on the edge of the property and looked out into the city. Somewhere, Carl had given Fuji a place to stay. He'd been generous enough to grant my wish and let her live on in peace, but he had given me limited access to her. The rules were simple- I could see her twice a year; on the New Year and during the Moon Festival. Sighing, I quietly hoped to myself that I could support them with what the Regent was planning to pay me. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw the face of Master Monty.

"It must hurt you, no?" he asked, looking out over the horizon.

"Yeah," I breathed. He rubbed my shoulder to acknowledge me. "But did I do the right thing in turning her in?"

"You did right in that you protected her," Monty said quietly. "Perhaps it amends the difficulty you've placed on her life."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"She cannot return to her family pregnant," he said, sitting down next to me. "It would dishonor them. That is why the upper classes practice foot-binding."

"You mean to say I've ruined her reputation?" I bit the edge of my bill, trying to hold back the tears.

"I mean to say that you have changed her life forever," he corrected. "The choices you have made have impacted her in both negative and positive ways, Yazuishou. Consider that, will you? Now, I must be off to help prepare for the promotion of the warriors. I will see you again within the hour."

He rose from his spot and sprinted off to the palace. Watching him until he entered the large doors, I wondered how he knew what he did at such a young age. Turning back to the sunrise, I took a deep breath. Perhaps he was right. Maybe some good could be the consequence of my thoughtless actions.

"Hey, Perry!" I heard Peter yell from the kitchen. "You wanna come eat, or what?"

Laughing a little, I hopped up and ran back into the quarters. The other three had dressed and come down to join in breakfast. I sat down on my respective pillow and Peter passed me the platter of ha gao. Nodding, I took one and passed the plate to a very moody-looking Ricky. Harry took one of the zongzi and grinned.

"Dang, Perry, didn't know peasants were amazing cooks!" he exclaimed. "I swear I will never again discredit peasant food! Peter, have you tried one of these?"

"Not yet," Peter shrugged. Harry took one and placed it in the panda's hand a little forcedly.

"You really must!" he told him. "And you, too, Ricky!"

The meal went on pretty much like that, with Harry insisting that everyone try my food and forcing it into their opened palms. Peter learned pretty quickly that he had to keep his chopsticks in hand at all times, but Ricky was unfortunate not to. After we'd finished, we cleared up the table and set about to washing the dishes. Peter leaned against the washtub and gave me a small smile.

"I think General Carl is going to put you as our leader," he said in a low tone, so that neither Ricky nor Harry could hear. "He talks too highly of you to pick any of the rest of us. It would be weird if he didn't."

"Thanks, Peter, but you don't know that," I replied, turning red. "The rest of you are just as likely to get the position as I am."

"Perry, Harry and I would vote for you as our leader," Peter said pointedly. "We told the general that."

"You what?!" I nearly dropped the plate I was scrubbing. He blinked. "Peter, you are going to have Ricky down my back about this! He doesn't trust me, he doesn't like me, and I might even go to say he wants me dead."

"C'mon, you really suspect that Ricky will kill you?" Peter chuckled. "He's just jealous that you're better at him in, like, everything."

"Not everything," I swallowed. Ricky was walking toward us. Of course, Peter didn't know it; he was walking up behind him.

"Perry, no offense, but when someone compares you to Ricky, it's like comparing a twig to a tree. You're the tree; stronger, better looking, and, if I daresay, smarter. Well, that last part has no relevance to trees, but it's true regardless. You outlasted him in a contest of stability, dude, and I don't think I've ever seen him drunk! And you get more girls than he does. Seriously, Perry, you are one-"

I pointed a finger behind him. Peter gave me a funny look, but I just shook my head and continued to point. He turned around and saw Ricky standing there with his hands on his hips. There was a certain fire in the raccoon's eyes that made my blood boil. Peter swallowed and grinned sheepishly.

"What was that, Xiongmao, Peter?" Ricky pursed his lips.

"I was talking about m-my brother," Peter lied. "His name is, is Xiongmao, Ricky. Weird c-coincidence, hmm?"

"Hmm, I would believe you, but you did mention the Sake contest," Ricky said dryly. He walked away even angrier than before. I huffed at Peter, who was shaking in embarrassment.

"Thank you, genius panda," I rolled my eyes. "Now he hates me more."

"At least I said it, right?" Peter smiled weakly, but pursed his lips together tightly when he saw that my expression didn't change. "Okay, okay."

"Let's just get to that promotion," I sighed. I dried my hands off and ran back upstairs to retrieve a tie. Upon locating it, I pulled my black hair up into the traditional men's topknot hairstyle. I had grown my hair out since coming here, but the reason my hair had been shaved was a totally different story. Before that, I'd had the queue style; a shaved head with the really long braid. Don't ask. Xihoudu hairstyling was average.

Deciding that the topknot was preferable to leaving my hair down for the day (since I did the topknot every day and looked really odd without one), I headed outside with the rest of the guys and Harry stepped in the center of us and cleared his throat.

"Whatever happens today, whoever is appointed a Master and whoever is appointed a warrior, we must stick together and remain a team," he told us. "I know that there have been tensions, but from now on we are a team. Together on everything."

"Yeah," Peter and I agreed in unison. The three of us laughed and started off towards the palace together. Ricky stayed a little ways behind us, glaring at the back of my head with murderous thoughts in his head. I didn't mind. We were in too much of a good mood for me to care at that moment. Today was going to be a great one, and Ricky wasn't going to spoil it, even though he refused to sing a well-known Confucian song with us.

Stopping at the steps of the palace, we waited as Carl appeared at the top.

"Your destiny awaits, trainees," he smiled.

* * *

**YAY! Who will be the master warrior now?**


	13. The Mighty Hù Jù

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Induction ceremony and surprises await you, young platypi. He, he. -AJ**

* * *

We climbed the steps in a straight line, our shoulders touching just barely. When we reached the top, we all put our right fist to our left palm and bowed at the waist. Carl called for us to stand at ease, and we all stood straight up, though still ready to be instructed. He turned and faced the giant doors of the palace and waved for us to follow him. More silent than a mouse, we followed along in perfect time. Not saying a single word to us, he led us through the palace and into the balcony that overlooked the entire Tri-Province Area. It seemed as if the whole population had come out to see us be inducted into the Regent's service. I could feel my heart begin to pound when I looked out and saw both Lao-tzu's and Master Pinky's faces among the masses. Swallowing, I hoped they didn't see me. The Regent was sitting on a large chair in the middle of the balcony staring out over the crowd. Carl arranged us in a straight line to the Regent's right. He walked out to the edge and spoke to the people.

"People of the Tri-Province Area!" Carl exclaimed. "Today, in the tenth month of the year of Zhongguo, year of the rabbit, I will induct the four following boys into the service of the Regent Francis Monogram- Xiongmao, Peter; Wei, Harry; Li, Ricky; and Yazuishou, Perry."

Cheers erupted from the crowd. Some of the citizens threw up cherry petals, and others fired up sparklers. Both Lao-tzu and Master Pinky started gawking up at us in awe, shocked to realize that it was actually me they were staring at. A lady beside them, who was wearing a similar dress to the Regent, gave us all a stern glare.

"They have each expressed great qualities of fascinating warriors," Carl continued. "And to each, I commend them for a job well done. I appoint Li, Ricky to the position of Biànhùrén- the defender of the Tri-Province Area! He has exerted strength in a defensive stance and proven his knowledge of the histories of Zhongguo well."

More cheering erupted from the exuberant crowd as Carl placed a bronze pendant on Ricky's shang.

"To the position of Zhànshì, the warriors of this beloved province, I give you Xiongmao, Peter, for readiness and a strong sense of nationalism, and Wei, Harry, for the heart of a tiger and the determination of a river."

Screams and clapping hands continued to echo in the streets. Carl placed two silver pendants on their shangs, receiving a smile and a slight bow from each.

"And, lastly, but certainly not least, Yazuishou, Perry, the one who gave everything one-hundred and ten percent, the one who came to me not speaking a word of Mandarin, not knowing a single thing about Zhongguo, and the one who managed to cross the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness as well as climb the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness; to him I give the proud title of the Master of this team."

He stepped in front of me and placed a gold pendant on my shang. Smiling at me, he whispered to me low enough so that no one else could hear him.

"I knew you could, kid."

I slightly returned his smile to let him know I acknowledged his words. Returning to his place in the center of the balcony, he thrust an arm out over the crowd and sent them all into a hush.

"People of the Tri-Province Area, I present to you, the mighty Hù Jù!" he exclaimed. The crowd exploded into even more cheers, jumping up and down and playing instruments. Harry gave them a puzzled look, and Ricky did his best to hide his disgust in the peasant act, but I rather enjoyed seeing it. As the crowd continued to celebrate the victory of finally having warriors in the province, Carl and the Regent directed us inside, where several others dressed as the Regent were standing with their own respective masters.

"Inductions…always have to invite the other Regents," Regent Monogram scoffed. The lady that was with Lao-tzu and Master Pinky was standing nearby. They walked over to us and gave a stiff bow, which we all returned.

"Ni hao, Francis," the lady said coldly.

"Initials," the Regent said curtly.

"For the last time, Initials is Master 0-0's Regent!" she said through her teeth. "I am Regent Acronym!"

"Sorry," the Regent said, but we were certain he didn't mean it.

"Pardon me for the interrupting, Regents, but it seems to me as if you have a legally banished figure as your master," Lao-tzu interrupted. Everyone's eyes suddenly were blinking at me. I turned a bright shade of red. Ricky, Harry, and Peter had no clue about my horrid record.

"Is this a problem, Lao-tzu?" the Regent demanded.

"That boy," Lao-tzu said angrily. "That good for nothing Yazuishou has done nothing but cause trouble in our province! Xihoudu is ten million times better without him! You cannot expect a filthy peasant like him to give up his gambling, his thievery, and his rebellion to the sacred art of Tao!"

"On this, you are most certainly wrong," Carl waved a finger. "He is quite the changed teenager, I assure you, sir. And be careful, most of the people of the Tri-Province Area are more taken with Kong-zi's teachings. These here were taught under strict Confucian principles."

"Well, I bet that Regent Acronym will once again earn the title for Emperor Roger's most favored system of warriors," Lao-tzu threw out. I rolled my eyes; there was no use in throwing out the straw-man fallacy right now, the Regent could easily start-

"Well, then I assume you've never seen Master Perry take on your very own Master Pinky," the Regent chuckled.

Oh, for the love of lo mein. Here we go.

"Master Pinky is the best warrior in all of Zhongguo, and you can't honestly say that your master is better; he was inducted five minutes ago!" Acronym spat.

"H-he isn't w-wrong, R-regent," Pinky stuttered. His tiny body was shaking, a habit he formed around me to keep me from pounding his face. "T-the p-platyp-pus has very w-well toned f-fighting m-methods."

"Are you saying that you gave in to a _peasant boy_, Master Pinky?" Acronym furrowed her brow angrily at him.

"Y-yes, I m-mean…d-don't hurt me…" Pinky cowered.

"Ah, such is the greatest worrier in all of Zhongguo!" the Regent snickered.

"At least mine isn't an immoral, fatherless, jerk, " Acronym shrugged. She started to walk away, but turned a little to add a final comment. "Or a mindless slut."

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT PERRY LIKE THAT!" Peter shouted. He jumped forward and bounced on his arches a little, ready to defend my case. I frowned and put an arm out in front of him. Laughing, Regent Acronym walked away with Lao-tzu and Master Pinky at her sides. "What was that for, Perry, I could have earned you her respect!"

"She's not worth it," I shook my head. Peter and Harry gave me a puzzled look. "Trust me, guys. I don't deserve their respect. Not in Xihoudu, not in all of Zhongguo. Now, if you all will excuse me, there's something I need to do."

I pushed past Carl and ran out into the mob of Regents and their masters. A few people glanced at me or congratulated me as I walked through the crowd, but I didn't stop for any long conversations or such. Once I'd made it out of the throng of people, I ran out into the entry hall of the palace where no one was standing and hid in between two pillars. Well, at least I thought that no one was there. A tall figure walked over to me quietly and put a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I gasped as I saw my mother's face.

"Mom! What…what are you doing here?!" I exclaimed.

"It was the only way I could see you after you were banished," she said sadly, stooping down and scooping me up into a large embrace. She stroked the back of my head. My mom was a tall, thin woman with jet black hair and almond eyes. Before her husband died, they'd adopted me from a super young age. "How are you, baby?"

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

"Something is bothering you, I can tell," she murmured. "Will you tell me?"

"It's just been a lot since I left Xihoudu," I admitted. "I know I've never been an ideal child, probably far from it, but I tried, Mom, I really did. And now I've screwed up. I screwed up big-time."

"What happened?" she asked, grabbing me by the arms.

"I-I didn't think, Mom…and now her life is ruined…she can't go back to her family…she's pregnant…she faked being a guy…" I stammered. Closing my eyes, I tried to keep from crying. "I didn't mean to…"

"Perry," my mom sighed. She hugged me tightly and stroked my back.

"Mom, what do I do?" I looked up at her, my eyes wet with unshed tears.

"You have to help her in any way you can, Perry," she smiled a little and cupped my cheek in her hand. Her eyes misted over with nostalgia. "I remember when you were placed on our doorstep. You weren't but six weeks old. I'd stopped having children due to this horrid disease I have. But then you came along and I had a young baby again.

"Now you're all grown up, even at the young age of thirteen," she took a deep breath and continued to hold my cheeks in her hands. "My little baby is all grown up. Please promise me that you'll be a father to this one?"

"I-I will, Mom," I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Good," she smiled, her tired, weak face looking at peace for once. "I'm so proud of you. You really have changed for the better."

"Mhsái haakhei, Mom," I pulled her into another hug. "Can you promise me you'll stay here? In the Tri-Province Area?"

"You know I will," she laughed. "I can even help with the baby, if it's necessary."

She kissed me on the head and stood up. I continued to look up at her, wondering what she was going to do next. Looking to her left, then to her right, she gave me one last smile and rubbed my head.

"Go on, Perry," she told me. "Your team awaits you."

Gently picking up her lengthy skirt, she walked out of the room briskly to avoid being caught. It had slipped my mind that she wasn't technically allowed inside the palace. Gathering my emotions, I silently did as she told me. When I walked back in, Peter wasted no time in finding me.

"Hey!" he grinned. "Wanna come chill with us, Master Perry?"

"Sure, why not?' I chuckled. "Sounds like fun."

That fun, I was soon to find out, was more like disasters waiting to happen.

* * *

**Now what are those three up to? **


	14. Dangerous Fun

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Merry Christmas! -AJ**

* * *

"Here, Perry, just attach this rope around your waist, like so, and then take this piece of bamboo just in case you can't hold your breath for too long," Peter told me. I gave him a blank look.

"I'm a platypus," I sighed.

"Yeah, and?" he blinked. I narrowed my eyes a little. "Oh! Oh, yeah! You can hold your breath quite a while, never mind that last part."

"Trust me when I say that I can hold it longer than all of you combined," I huffed.

"Oh, loosen up, _Master Perry_," Harry chuckled. "You are the brave leader of the mighty Hù Jù! Of course you can jump off of a rope bridge ten plus miles in the air and land in that uncertain, foggy gorge. You're incredible!"

"Wait, wait, uncertain? What do you mean uncertain?" I took a step back from the ledge. "I distinctly remember Peter saying that there was a river or a lake down there!"

"He said there might be," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah, it could be rocky spires," Peter suggested. "We don't know for certain."

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, so, have loads of fun!" Peter told me, placing a hand on my back. I looked nervously at his hand then up at him and shook my head vigorously. He pushed me forward until my feet were barely on the edge. "Now, who's the platypus?"

"Peter, I really don't feel like…" I started, but he gave me a hard look. "Okay, okay."

"C'mon, say it," he frowned. "Who's the platypus?"

"I'm the platypus," I said quietly.

"Louder!" Harry said. I wished he'd stop egging Peter on. The panda looked eagerly at me and waited for me to respond.

"FINE, I AM THE PLATYPUS!" I exclaimed.

"That's more like it!" Peter smiled. I smirked at him, but just as soon as I had, he shoved me off of the bridge and I went flying. "Heck yeah! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, PERRY!"

My response was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAH!"

"I don't think he likes it," Harry frowned.

"Nonsense, he's screaming like a girl, he loves it!" Peter grinned. He looked to his left and saw Ricky walk up. "Hey, Ricky, check Perry out!"

"Master Perry, hmm?" Ricky narrowed his eyes. He picked up the rope attaching Perry to the bridge and pulled out a small emeici dagger and held it up to the rope. Peter's eyes widened and he started laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You're funny," Peter chuckled. Ricky blinked at him. "C'mon, we both know you're not really gonna-"

"Think again," Ricky huffed. He sliced right through the rope and let it fall. "Let's see how great Master Perry does without something to keep him from dying. Have fun watching him die, fellas."

Ricky turned and slinked off to who knows where. Peter leapt off of the bridge and made a grab for the rope, but he missed by a few seconds. I looked up to see what was going on, but I couldn't see much. All I could tell was that Peter had jumped as well, and the lucky panda's rope was much shorter than mine was.

"Okay, okay, I'm good as long as I'm still tied up," I said, trying to calm myself. Breathing in and out slowly, I did my best to feel comfortable with the situation. Then, something terrifying happened. As I was falling, the bare end of a rope started to hover next to my head. Grasping it in one hand, I slowly came to realize that the rope in my hands was the rope that was supposed to be supporting me. Someone had severed it. The end was too frayed for it to have been just untied, and by the looks of it; an emeici had been the tool used.

So now I was plummeting to certain doom in a valley of unknown geography. The fog was so thick that I felt I could slice it up with a butterfly sword and serve it as a breakfast dish to all of my teammates. It was beginning to soak my fur as my body sailed through it. I felt somewhat like a kite, only I was hurtling downward at a faster rate than a kite would fall. My weight was dragging me down faster than I would have liked.

Back up at the top, Harry had run off to find Carl and Peter was yelling down at me that the rope had broken and I shouldn't panic. If I could have heard him at the time, I would have so been throwing sarcastic remarks back at him to let him know that informing me didn't do a lick of good if I was still falling. Poor Peter. Sometimes that poor, confused panda didn't know his right from his left. It certainly wasn't helping the situation at hand, though, because standing at the edge of a bridge (or rather, hanging from it) and yelling was not furthering help nor was it stopping my fall.

Either way, I fell and I fell. The chasm went deeper and deeper. Time rolled on and on. My fur was heavy with water, my clothing was soaked, and my hair had come out of its topknot and was whipping around my face wildly in some places and the rest was plastered to my face, making me constantly have to wipe hair and water out of my eyes. I began to wonder if this was all a dream I was falling so long. It made me reconsider authors, since this one just had to finish every chapter at the bottom of a Word document page.

As I fell I began to ponder my chances of making it out alive. Anything, and by anything I really do mean anything, could be at the bottom of this gorge. Pillows, rock spires, a river, Justin Bieber, Christmas trees, the Bubonic Plague, Peter's cousins, eviscerating fish, Godzilla, Mr. Bean, crickets, trees, Jessica Rogers singing One Direction songs, bananas, cherries, the ever mysterious Klimpaloon, heck, even Pyro Jenson might be down there! Wait…if Pyro Jenson was down there…I would so need an autograph. Where are my dang scrolls when I need them? But, I think you get my point- the possibilities of what could be waiting for me were limitless. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

"You are going to live," I told myself.

A weird screeching noise was heard from the bridge. I think it was Carl. I couldn't be sure, though.

"You…are going to live…" I repeated, a little less confident than before.

Another screech. That was undoubtedly Peter. No one else says 'waffle' at the end of a terrified scream. Although I do give him props for managing to succeed where many others wouldn't even begin to think success was necessary. So…kudos Peter. I'm kinda falling to my doom here. Let us all sing the doom song…

"Doom, doom, doom, doom…" I murmured. Okay now this is just ridiculous, AJ.

"Shut up, Perry," AJ shot back at me. "You're supposed to be falling to your doom here, stop breaking the fourth wall. Sheesh, I didn't think I'd ever have to interfere with my characters before. Lousy platypus…"

"Oh, look who's talking here!" I shot back at her.

She ignored me. Typical. And, in good timing, too. Because just as she stopped interfering, the ground came into view.

And then everything went black.

* * *

**Oh snap. What's going to be the outcome of that?**


	15. Ricky's Dire Consequences

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Hey guys! Last update of the year! Enjoy:) -AJ**

* * *

We all sat in the room, staring quietly into space. Peter readjusted my splint, but I turned and chattered at him. It came off as more of a growl. He pulled his hands back quickly and put them up as if to say he wasn't doing anything. I rolled my eyes and kept silent while waiting for Carl. Not like I could move anyways. My neck was in a brace, splints were keeping my limbs in place, and another brace was keeping me upright. General Carl walked in briskly and gave me a questioning look. Shaking it off, he walked right back out.

"Do you think we ticked him off?" Harry frowned. "He looks…"

"He looks beyond ticked, guys," I said, trying not to move. "Face the music; Ricky is more than likely screwed."

"Man, that means I'm gonna be the Biànhùrén," Harry sighed.

"Hey, at least you're not in Ricky's shoes," Peter pointed out. "They smell awful, and when I say awful, I mean, like, get the kid something nice smelling to put in those dang things, they are rancid!"

"Peter, I don't see how insulting Ricky's feet correlates with anything we were talking about," I frowned.

"Waffle," Peter replied, turning and staring at the wall once more. Both Harry and I rolled our eyes. We had no clue what he was talking about. I looked around a little more before building up the courage to ask about it.

"Peter, what exactly is a waffle?" I blinked.

"It's a Belgian breakfast cake," he smiled. He pointed to my tail. "They're circular, look like your tail, and you put syrup on them, as well as sometimes fruit or cheese."

"Syrup…?" I raised one brow painfully.

"Yeah, it's tree sap mixed with sugar!" he said excitedly. Carl stepped back in and cleared his throat. Harry and Peter turned to face him, and I looked to my left awkwardly. He walked in front of us and sighed. We waited for him to speak.

"Boys, I have some grave news to tell you," Carl said with a deep frown on his face. "I have to get rid of Ricky for attempted murder on Master Perry."

The silence in the room was deafening. None of us wanted to say that we hated Ricky leaving, but none of us wanted to admit we would enjoy Ricky's absence, either. Harry twiddled his thumbs and averted his gaze from Carl. Peter bit his bottom lip and was probably lost in thought about waffles. I couldn't do much other than stare off into space and muse over the decision myself.

"We'll just have to continue the team without him," I said quietly. "Once I make a full recovery, it will be just as if that had never happened."

"And no more daredevil stunts, guys," Carl said, giving Peter a stern look. Peter laughed nervously and shrank down in his seat a little. "I don't want any more fatalities. Master Perry looks like he's been dumped into the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness, for heaven's sake, guys! Be more responsible."

"Hey, we're only fourteen!" Harry defended.

"Yes, I know you are," Carl chuckled. "That's why I know you'd try to pull off a stunt like that again. Teenagers are often very stupid and don't think before they do something. Well, I'd like the Hù Jù to please come to their senses."

"Yes, General Carl!" Harry and I said.

"Yerp," Peter smiled stupidly. "Can I go and get a waffle, General?"

"Do we really have to, Peter?" Carl sighed. We ended up making some.

* * *

**Does anyone else find neck braces a tad humorous? Not the injury- just the brace. **


	16. What Khan You Really Do?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Get ready for some history; Perry style! -AJ**

* * *

Okay, this is the part of the story where I fast-forward a few months because you really don't want to hear about me and Peter saving the day from robbers while Harry stood by and took notes. (We have now agreed that Harry's more of a cheerleader than a warrior). There were two major things going on at this next part of my tale that you absolutely must know in order to understand the importance of this chapter: the New Year was next month and that was when the Regent could turn in his reviews, and there was a shift in Mongol power. Now, keeping that in mind, remember the New Year bit for later. The Mongol idea needs to be fresh in your head.

Taking this into consideration, quick mini-lesson on the Mongols. You've probably heard of them, and most actually have heard about a particular group called the Huns. Take the Huns out of this- they're totally unrelated to this predicament. No, the Mongols were a nomadic group that lived to the north of China. They loved to conquer things. Their first leader, the unforgettable Genghis Khan, made himself a nice little Mongolian Empire. His nephew, the second leader by the name of Kublai Khan, extended that rule into China. Of course, us Chinese did not like this at all and got rid of them; Zhongguo for pure race. Now, back to the story, which is probably more enjoyable than a history of the Khans.

General Carl had the three of us seated in a small room to the back of the Regent's palace. It was just him, us three, Monty, and, inexplicably, the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness. I'd asked why he had to be there, and Carl said that someone had to write down everything just in case someone had to recount this meeting later. Touché. It wasn't in my best interests to argue with the general though, as I was still doing my best to change for the better, but I absolutely could not stand that guy. Carl had Peter draw the curtain closed in the back and asked Harry to light the lanterns along the walls. They came and sat on their respective futons beside me.

"Now, you all have been doing great in terms of men," Carl said, beginning his usual pacing habit. "But, in the terms of warriors, you are an outstanding team. Regent Monogram is sure to have the best review this year. However, there is an impending issue with the Mongols that needs to be investigated before the reviews go in next month. There has been a shift in power…"

Yeah, I know. I literally just said that. But, that only confirms what I said. Since, after all, I'm reading my least favorite scribe's notes, it's best to warn you that I'm actually cutting it short. Carl's speech wasn't as long as was documented here, but that dang scribe added ten words to every half a word Carl said that day.

"Any who, we all know this," Carl nodded. "I need only one of you to confront this Mongol leader on a regular basis. He's one of the Khans, you know. Both Genghis and Kublai were no picnic to deal with."

"The answer is simple," Harry smiled. "Send Perry."

"Is this agreed?" Carl asked, casting a look to me and Peter. I looked at Peter, who gave a slight nod up with his head. (He looked kind of drunk when he did it). Carl focused his attention on me. "Well, Master Perry? Are you going in the name of the Hù Jù?"

I considered this for a moment. It was a huge task they were asking of me, and none had ever had pleasant dealings with the Mongol leaders before. This undertaking would mean much for me; as a warrior and as a person of the Tri-Province Area. Just by accepting, I was saying I'd brave anything for my people. Smiling, I nodded to Peter and Harry in turn and faced General Carl last.

"I accept," I told him.

* * *

**It's time for Doofus Khan, ya'll. **


	17. Curse You, Yazuishou, Perry!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Master Perry meets the Great Khan. I wonder, is he all that great? -AJ**

* * *

I set out the next morning to confront the leader of the Mongols. It was a bright and sunny day, and I was ready for it in every way imaginable. The path to the Mongol capital was a long one, but after all of the training we had to go through, it was a piece of cake to travel. Well, a tea cake or a rice cake maybe. It was about the ninth hour when I got to Avarga, the capital of the Mongol Empire at the time. (It had previously been at Khanbaliq, and it would later be at Karakorum). The Khan family home was in place of the typical regent's palace one would find in a Chinese town. Music then sounded with discernible source.

_Doofus Khan's multi-level yurt!_

Okay, that was weird. I leapt from my hiding spot and made my way over to the side of the building. Planks that made up the yurt stuck out far enough for me to grasp them with my fingers and balance on them with my feet, so I began to scale the yurt all the way up to the top, making sure I was invisible to the guards below at the same time. Silly Mongol guards. They couldn't see me, but I could see them. Smirking, I flipped my body up into the terrace of the yurt and froze in the ready position; one hand touching the floor, my right leg forward in a crouch, my left stretched back, and my other hand was thrust out behind myself.

There was a man standing with his back facing me. His body sat at a slight slouch, as if he had little confidence or a lack of courage. He turned on hearing me light on the terrace and blinked at me, confused. His hair was light brown, a beard and mustache decorated his face, and he wore the getup of a traditional Mongol leader. This was the Khan I was looking for.

"Can I help you, kid?" he asked, cocking his head at me.

"I'm looking for the leader of the Mongols," I said flatly. "The state of Zhongguo has sent me to keep an eye out on him."

"Look, I don't care what weird animals Emperor Hongwu and his regents send to watch over me, I am one Khan that will not be defeated by you pathetic animal warriors," he spat. His accent didn't sound Mongol at all. Actually, I couldn't really put a clan to his accent.

"You're the Great Khan, then?" I lifted one eyebrow.

"Yes, I am Doofus Khan, the cousin to Kublai Khan," he smiled triumphantly, as if that made him deserving of some kind of honor. "And you are?"

"Master Perry," I narrowed my eyes. "I was born Yazuishou, Perry."

"Well, Perry the platypus-" he started.

"That is not my name," I growled.

"But it seems so natural to say for me," he whined. "It's almost as if I was meant to say those three words together. Like, if we were on a T.V. show, that would be what I'd call you, little master."

"And…what is T.V.?" I asked.

"Oops, fourth wall…!" Doofus Khan exclaimed. He shook it off and returned to his own rant again. "Either way, you silly masters and your tricks won't be stopping this Khan from taking over the Tri-Province Area, I'll make sure of that!"

Unable to take this any longer, I dropped down, kicked my legs out, and swung my body under his, buckling him at the knees so that he'd fall. Of course, he fell backwards, which kind of defied logic, but he was caught off guard nonetheless.

"Listen here, Doofus Khan," I said, straightening myself enough to make my tiny frame seem taller. I stood on the rail and slowly dropped backwards as I talked. "I'm not about to let you run all over my province. You and I are going to butt heads a lot, and I can see this now."

"CURSE YOU, YAZUISHOU, PERRY!" he called as I ran off back to the Regent.

* * *

**And there it is. **


	18. The Chinese New Year: Part One

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Guess what? Fuji's back! -AJ**

* * *

Confetti filled the streets. Dancers were lined up under a large bamboo paper dragon and were parading down the way alongside the acrobats. Fireworks were being set off from several different directions. Lanterns lit up the night sky like fireflies. But in all of this, that wasn't what made me happy. No, my happiness came from the fact that tonight was one of two nights out of the entire year that I could see Fuji. I ran through the streets as fast as I could to her home. We had both been waiting for this night.

I ran up to her door and rapped on it vigorously. While I waited, I bounced excitedly on the balls of my feet. Just being able to see her face for the first time in four months was enough to get me excited. It really had killed me inside when Carl had forbidden us to see each other much, especially with the baby on the way. Fuji opened the door and instantly wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her close to my body and stroked her fur.

"I've missed you so much," she cried. I kissed her on the cheek and nuzzled her face gently.

"I've missed you too, baby," I said softly. She pulled her head away and smiled widely at me. I cupped her soft cheek in my hand. "You look magnificent."

"Oh, stop," she blushed. I placed one hand on her round abdomen and laughed.

"But you do," I grinned. "You're absolutely beautiful."

"Perry," she giggled. I brought her in for a long kiss. After we'd parted, she waved for me to come in and sit down. We went into her bedroom and curled up together in her bed. I wrapped my tail around her protectively. "Today is just perfect now."

"Yes, it has," I nodded in agreement. "I just wish Carl would let me be here to meet our little miracle."

"Ask him!" Fuji exclaimed. "For me."

"Of course I will," I told her softly. I stroked her side and felt her relax. It must have been stressful for her to carry the baby. My hand spread out over her belly. She gave me a curious look. "Are you feeling okay? You're so tense."

"I'm feeling fine, I suppose," she said quietly. "The baby keeps me from sleeping a lot. It's hard to get anything done anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Fuji," I breathed.

"For what?" she blinked.

"For what I've done to your life," I sighed. "I've made it impossible for you to go anywhere with life."

"Nonsense!" she shook her head. "You've made my life perfect, Perry, and that's all that matters to me."

"You really think so?" I smiled.

"Of course I do," she said, giving me a light kiss.

"Thanks, baby," I said, pulling her closer to me. I could feel the light kicking that was coming from our child. It was a wonderful feeling. She noticed that I'd acknowledged it in my head and laughed at me.

"Like that?" she giggled.

"Yeah, I do," I nodded. "It's like I can tell that he or she is really here, even though he or she isn't yet."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "Imagine feeling that all of the time. Then you'd be sleepless."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "Then sleep now. I've got you."

"Mm," she hummed. I felt special when I noticed that she had indeed fallen asleep.

* * *

**Will Carl grant some family rights for Perry?**


	19. The Chinese New Year: Part Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Part two of three:3 -AJ**

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night without any good reason. Perhaps it had been the festivities that had woken me up. I gently crawled out of bed and left the room. Fuji was so peaceful curled up under the covers that I'd decided to let her be. Grabbing my overcoat, I headed outside and watched the fireworks go off in the sky above.

The display was truly fascinating. Someone down on the ground would set fire to a small line of rope that was protruding from the back of the explosive, and once the fire eaten its way up to the gun powder, it was lifted off of the ground rapidly and with a great shriek. It would only fly for so long before it would burst into a fantastic lights show, where lines of color would splay out from where the original case had been. Some were one color. Others were multi-colored. Even yet, others were shapes other than your typical elliptical ones. Taken altogether, the spectacle was truly unlike any other.

People were still dancing in the streets. A few peasants were waving banners around with an upside-down 'fu' character on them. This meant good fortune. It was a sign you were likely to see everywhere on the Chinese New Year. Joyous expressions were painted across everyone's face, and laughter and cheering could be heard as dancers in a large bamboo paper dragon waved the large puppet around.

I walked slowly through the crowd, doing my best not to hit anyone or shove them aside. A few greetings of placing hands together and bowing were directed at me, along with a silent, 'De wènhòu, shuòshì yánjiūshēng,' as I passed by. I nodded at each greeter to acknowledge that I'd seen them, and then moved on my way.

As I neared the edge of the Tri-Province Area, I saw that the gate guards were even off on this holiday. Silently praising my luck, I slipped outside of the front gate and padded off towards the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness. It wasn't too long before I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around to see that it was only Monty. Sighing with relief, I pivoted on my heel and continued walking.

"You are concerned," Monty said softly, still following behind me.

"Yes, yes I am," I sighed again.

"Everything will be alright," he reassured me. "She is under the auspices of the Regent's house. Nothing harmful will come of her or her life, we can be sure of it."

"Good guess, but that is not what is concerning me as of this moment," I told him.

"Then what?" Monty pressured. "You are clearly concerned for the girl. You feel as if you'd wronged her and she deserves better. You also know that she can no longer receive better. You seem to think that asking Carl to see the birth of your son futile."

"Firstly, okay, you have proved that you are an excellent guesser," I mused. "Secondly, we have no way of telling if the baby is a boy or a girl. Thirdly, it is absolutely futile. Carl wouldn't change his own rules just to stick up for my family. I promised him, anyways."

"But nothing in that promise said that you would not be there for your child's birth, now did it?" Monty pointed out. My eyes opened up wider.

"You're right," I breathed. "Carl never said anything about the baby."

"That he did not," Monty smiled. "I believe you will find it most gratifying that there is always a way around something. Granted, be sure that your intentions are pure of heart and mind, and not of the selfish desires of your heart. Your conscience will follow you always. It is hard to forget our mistakes and our hurts. You must remember that, as in events to come, I hope that you overcome sorrow to move forward."

He left without another word. Still, the last sentence struck fear into my heart.

* * *

**What on Earth is Monty talking about?**


	20. The Chinese New Year: Part Three

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Part three peeps! -AJ**

* * *

I turned on my heel and sprinted back to the palace. People everywhere were jumping out of my way, issuing an exclamatory, 'Ex_cuse_ me, Master Perry!' as I ran past them. Normally, I would have let them know they were fine and not really bothering me, but I was in too much of a hurry to get to Carl. Between Fuji's words and Monty's words, I wasn't sure what to think right now. I was just intent on talking to my general and getting this all sorted out. Bursting through the front doors of the palace, I froze right where I'd entered when I saw Carl and Monty both staring at me. Why, Monty?

"Ah, Master Perry, what can I do for you?" Carl asked, coming forward to greet me. I put my hands together and bowed at the waist. "Perry, that's not necessary."

"In all due respect, General Carl, I come to you with a plea on behalf of my love," I said, with my head still bent low. "I wish to be there for the birth of my child, if it does not upset you, General."

"Master Perry, we've already discussed the terms on which you can see Fujita," Carl said, his eyes narrowing. "Why do you dare and ask for more permissions?"

"Because out of all the wrongs I've done, I've never had the chance to make any of them right," I told him. "Being there for her and the child, well, I feel it would not only clear my guilty conscience, but also would encourage Fujita."

"Hmm," Carl thought.

"May I interject for a moment, General?" Monty said softly.

"If you think it will pertain to Master Perry's predicament, then yes, you may speak," Carl nodded. "I trust your words to be truth."

"General, Master Perry has shown you great performance and has followed your every command," Monty said, walking over to me and putting a hand to my back. "He is the greatest warrior in all of Zhongguo, and he is very loyal to his word. He has changed much from the wayward child you found him as. Consider this when making your decision."

"You pose an excellent argument, Monty," Carl mused. "And I agree with everything you have said. Master Perry, I will make you one offer, and only one. I do not intend to change this offer to better suit you."

"Yes, General," I nodded.

"You cannot be there for the birth, as that would have you out of my service for a week or so, since we cannot precisely time such an event," Carl said sternly. "However, once Fujita sends word that she's delivered the child, I give you leave to meet with them for two days, no more. Do we have an agreement?"

"Y-yes, General Carl," I said, repeating my bow from earlier. I turned to leave, but Monty cleared his throat.

"Did you have something else to add, Master Monty?" Carl asked curtly.

"Indeed I did," Monty said matter-of-factly. "I have told Master Perry that his conscience will follow him always and that it is hard to forget our mistakes and our hurts. He must remember that, as in events to come, I hope that he will overcome his sorrows in order to move forward.

" I prompt you both to look at life and see it as a gift, not as a burden, for a time will come when Master Perry must make a more difficult decision than this, and his choice will affect the entire Tri-Province Area."

With that, Monty left us, both bewildered, and both thoroughly confused. I looked at Carl, and he looked at me. Apparently, something was about to go terribly amiss. But what?

* * *

**Monty's creeping me out...help I've made a creep.**


	21. The New Year's Reports

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Okay, so no more mass updates. I'm gonna give it when I finish it. Work for ya'll? -AJ**

* * *

So, the following day, we were all awoken early and told to pack up immediately. My first thought was that we'd gone to war and this would be the way we'd travel out to battle, but I was reassured that war wasn't on the agenda when Lin, if you remember him from the beginning of my tale, ran in and hurriedly told us that no weapons were needed. Satisfied, we all packed up some clothes, dressed ourselves for travel, and met outside the Regent's palace.

"Ah, welcome warriors!" Regent Monogram smiled. He seemed to be in a dapper mood. "Who's ready to take a hike up to Xingqing?"

"XINGQING?!" we all exclaimed.

"The capital, Regent?!" Harry said, exasperated. "That's…that's so far…"

"Nonsense, Harry, it's only a good five-hundred li," the Regent laughed. We all stood there with our mouths hanging open. That was a long way to walk; heck, that was further away than Doofus Khan's yurt. "So, when General Carl gets here, we can begin the journey to the capital."

"Why are we going to Xingqing in the first place?" Peter moaned.

"The New Year's reports, of course!" the Regent chuckled. He sat down on a small futon in front of us and beckoned for us to seat ourselves as well. We all did just that. "It's the most important time of year for regents. We gather in Emperor Roger's palace and we give our provinces' status to him. He then chooses ranks for us all, for instance, for the past ten years, our provinces have been at the bottom, as our warriors have, well, for lack of a better term, they've sucked. And Regent Initials-"

"Acronym," we all said firmly.

"Right, Regent Acronym," he nodded. "She's been getting all of the highest regards from the Emperor for as long as we've been competing. I hope that this year she gets booted out of her position."

We all cast a curious look at one another. Harry just shrugged. Typical Harry, he would be the one to not find this a little crazy. The Regent seemed just a tad obsessed with beating her out, as this had been the third time I'd heard it mentioned from the Regent himself, and certainly around the hundredth time overall.

I was awoken from my thoughts by the sound of General Carl entering the room. He stomped in, seeming rather annoyed with something. Our heads all turned to watch him as he walked from the entryway over to the Regent. He looked at each of us, acknowledging our presence, and then his gaze returned to the Regent.

"Sir, we have a situation," he growled through his teeth.

"And what is that, Carl?" the Regent lifted an eyebrow. "If the peasants are fighting over food again, just tell them it's not very mature to throw a food fight."

"It is not a food fight, sir," Carl said harshly. His red eyebrows were furrowed deeply. "I mean to say that Emperor Roger is_here_. In the Tri-Province Area."

"What?!" Regent Monogram exclaimed, standing up as he said it.

"I assure you, this is no joke," Carl said, the annoyance hanging in his voice like thunderclouds over a rice paddy. "Apparently the reports are to be done in this palace instead of his this year."

"Where is he?" the Regent asked hurriedly.

"At your front door," Carl replied curtly.

"AT THE FRONT DOOR?!" the Regent cried. "Warriors, get yourselves into the conference room! I will have General Carl escort the other Regents there and I will escort the Emperor himself!"

With that, Regent Monogram left the room even more noisily than Carl had entered it. Carl gave a loud huff and followed behind him, intentionally making just as much noise as the Regent was making. We now had a few confused-looking warriors who were staring off into space, almost unaware of what had just happened.

"We have a conference room?" Peter finally asked. The Harry and I nodded slowly. "Well, thank _you_ for telling me."

"C'mon, Master Inobservant," I sighed. I grabbed them both by the wrists and led them down the halls towards the conference room. Neither of them liked being dragged along very much, and they made a point to let me know that in any way possible. I ignored them. Doing what the Regent asked was way more important than their comfort at the moment. Turning into the conference room, I sat them down on their respective futons and plopped down on mine. "There. Was that _so_ hard?"

"Yes, yes it was," the both said, glaring at me with nearly closed eyes. I returned the favor by promptly sticking my tongue out at them.

"I hate to be a bother, Master Perry," Harry said slyly. "But you have a strand of hair that isn't in your topknot."

"What!" I slapped myself in the forehead. "Why didn't you tell me _before_ we came up to the palace? Now I look like an idiot who can't brush his own hair!"

"Pre_cise_ly," Harry laughed.

"Not funny, dude, not funny," I frowned. I fidgeted with my hair to make it seem like I'd done my topknot correctly. "Harry, if you had hair as short as me and Peter did, you'd _so_ be getting it right now."

"And that is why my hair is braided like it should be," Harry smiled triumphantly.

"Do I need to wipe that smirk off of his face?" I said, my face contorting a little. I crawled up on the table a little, getting in his face. "Because I am not afraid to-"

"Ahem."

Our heads all turned slowly at the same time to see Regent Monogram and the Emperor right beside him. It was embarrassing, but I was just thankful that Peter was not asking for more waffles at that moment. I edged my way back onto my futon and smiled nervously.

"Emperor Roger, I give you the Hù Jù," the Regent said quietly. We could see on his face that he was a little thrown off by our state when he'd entered the room; he was fortunate we were in the room at all. "May I escort you to your seat?"

"No, it's fine, really," the Emperor smiled. "I can seat myself."

"If you insist, your greatness," the Regent said, returning his smile. They both took their respective seats and remained silent. The Emperor, however, did not stay silent for long. He turned to me and politely asked my name.

"Master Perry," I said. He waved at my two partners. "And these are Harry and Peter, both very faithful warriors and companions."

"Ah, delightful," the Emperor nodded. "All from prestigious backgrounds, I assume?"

"Well, Harry is the son of a scholar," I told him. "And Peter, he's the son of a warrior, who has trained to be a warrior from birth."

"What about yourself?" the Emperor insisted.

"Me?" I swallowed. He nodded. "Your greatness, I am the son of a simple rice farmer. I shouldn't even have credit for that; I was a common criminal with a record longer than the Yangtze."

"Oh?" the Emperor raised his eyebrows. He looked as if he was about to ask another question, but he was cut off by the entry of several other regents and their masters. It seemed that only Regent Monogram had wanted all of his warriors with him. There was Regent Initials, a very serious looking woman, and her human warrior, Master 0-0. Regent Marks, the other male regent, had come with the tiniest warrior I'd ever seen; a mouse. He simply called himself Master M. A few others were there, but I didn't catch their names. Of course, Acronym was there, too, with Pinky.

"Ah, welcome!" Regent Monogram said, opening his arms wide. Wait, what? Is that some kind of cheesy greeting? I watched as they all came into the room and sat on their assigned futons. "You know, I was completely unaware that we were supposed to be meeting _here_, Emperor."

"Yes, it was a last minute decision," the Emperor nodded.

"Indeed," Acronym huffed. She and Pinky sat down across from me. Casting an odd glance at me, she whispered, "I see you still have Master Pervert with you, Monogram."

"Acronym, if you have something to say, you may say it before the rest of those here," Monogram said curtly. "I am certain that his greatness would not be pleased if you whispered in his presence."

"Ah, yes, do speak up Regent Acronym, the table is open for a moment," the Emperor smiled.

"Forgive me for being so, hmm, blunt, Emperor Roger, but I assure you the master you see seated aside Regent Monogram has no right to be where he is," Acronym said, nodding to Monogram as she said it. "He shouldn't even be near this palace."

"And why do you say that?" the Emperor mused. He pulled a scroll away from a nearby scribe and skimmed it over for a bit. "Based on the records taken down here, he earned his right to sit where he does and hold the title he bears."

"Nonsense!" Acronym spat. She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at me. "He is a filthy peasant criminal and he knows it!"

"Oh, yes, he told me that just before you walked in," the Emperor chuckled. He handed the scroll back to the scribe and took a deep breath. "Regent Acronym, if the boy has earned his right to be the master of the Tri-Province Area, I can assure you he deserves that position regardless of his background. How many of you can honestly say you haven't broken a rule or standard before?"

The room fell silent. No one wanted the Emperor to think they were a criminal, but none also wished to lie to him either. In a sense, it made me feel better. The quiet was suddenly broken by Master Pinky, who stood up and looked the Emperor straight in the eyes.

"I-I c-certainly have d-done wrong and t-the p-platypus has every r-right to be where h-he is," he said, his whole body shaking. "I-I c-can admit t-to st-tealing from m-my regent's p-palace before."

Several gasps were emitted from the regents, and Regent Acronym sat there, appalled that her own master had stolen from her. I felt inclined to smirk at her fate, but I kept my cool; it would not better her opinion of me if I mocked her. For the rest of the time, many warriors, and even some regents, stood up and started confessing criminal deeds. Then Carl reentered.

"Pardon me, but I have a message for Master Perry," he said. "About his son."

* * *

**!**


	22. Father and Son

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**I did my best at trying to be cute with this- tell me how well I achieved that goal xD -AJ**

* * *

I stood up quickly and raised my eyebrows at him. He held a scroll out and nodded for me to go and retrieve it. Nodding back, I walked over and slowly lifted my hand up to take the scroll from him. Carl laughed and pushed it gently into my fingers. I wrapped them around the paper and pulled it towards myself.

"Go on, Master Perry," he smiled. "She did send it for you, after all."

"Right," I laughed nervously. My eyes wandered over to Peter and Harry, who both smiled widely at me and waved for me to hurry up and open it. Breaking the seal on the front, I pulled the scroll open and read the neat Mandarin writing that was definitely Fuji's handwriting. I read the note to myself and smiled softly at Fuji's words.

"So?" Peter said quickly, as if he was anticipating something exciting.

"She wants me to come as soon as possible," I said softly. Carl looked over to Monogram and bit his lip.

"Who, Master Perry?" the Regent asked. I'd forgotten so easily that he'd never been told about me and Fuji. I went to answer, but Carl placed a hand in front of me, silently ordering me to remain silent. He took a deep breath.

"If you remember the one who posed as Felix, Regent Monogram," Carl started slowly. "She is Master Perry's mate. The last time they saw one another was on the Chinese New Year, and I promised him that he could see her as soon as the child was born. She has sent word that she's given birth to their son."

"Ah, I see," the Regent said, nodding his head. "And you assume I will let him out of this meeting, then, I presume?"

"And why wouldn't you?" Emperor Roger interjected.

"Well, this meeting is important, is it not, your highness?" the Regent asked, turning red in the cheeks. "Wouldn't you want him here for the reports?"

"If I were him, I'd want to meet my newborn son as well, Regent Monogram," the Emperor said calmly. "Besides, such a prestigious warrior as he deserves some family time. I say send him now."

"Then, I suppose, if the Emperor wants it, you are granted leave for today, Master Perry," the Regent mumbled. I had to refrain from hugging the two men. Instead, I sufficed with a quick bow.

"Thank you, your highness," I smiled. Carl laughed and escorted me out of the room. Once we were in the hallway, he knelt down next to me and gave me a slight hug.

"Enjoy yourself, okay?" he grinned. "You've one-hundred percent proven that you're not the same as you were when you left Xihoudu."

"Carl," I said, but he waved his hand and shook his head.

"And I mean that one-hundred percent," he told me. I returned his smile. "Now go on, get out of here! I'd have expected you to sprint out the moment you heard, crazy. Go have some quality time with your family."

"Yes, sir!" I said, straightening up and smiling wide. He stood back up and waved me off. Too happy to be concerned with what was going on in the meeting, I sped out of the palace as fast as my legs could take me and subconsciously leapt into the air, letting out a whoop of pure joy. Monty was walking past as I did so, and he gave me a questioning look.

"Someone's happy," he chuckled. I waved the letter around in the air and grinned.

"I'm going to see my wife and son, Monty!" I said excitedly. He nodded in understanding and watched me as I sped out of the courtyard. I made my way down the streets, zipping in and out of people, all who were more than happy to see me happy. Each smiling face I encountered, I gave them a delightful wave and kept running. This was how I ran the entire way up to Fuji's home. Once I arrived there, I threw the door open and ran to find her.

"Fuji!" I called.

"Back here, Perry!" she answered. I went into the bedroom and had to refrain from scooping her up in my arms. She was standing there, a few feet away from the entryway, holding a small bundle in her arms. I walked over to her and smiled at her. "It's about time you got here, Master Perry."

"I was just waiting for my lease," I laughed a little. She motioned for me to sit down, and we sat together on the bed. Smiling, she pulled the cloth away from the sleeping infant's face and rocked him back and forth a little. He looked a lot like me, except he had the most adorable little fox ears at the top of his head. Fuji held him out a little and nodded for me to take him in my arms. I reached out and gently took him from her.

"What should we call him?" Fuji asked me, looking up into my eyes curiously.

"What about Xing?" I suggested. She tilted her head a little. "You know, a star. A spark. Light's up our lives just by being here."

"That's so sweet," she smiled. She ran one finger down the bridge of his bill and laughed a little. "Such a sleepy little boy. Doesn't make much noise. Very peaceful. He smiles a lot, too, for a newborn."

"Does he now?" I grinned. He shifted a little bit in my arms, but remained asleep and completely unaware of the world around himself. I gently nuzzled his cheek with the tip of my bill and handed him back to Fuji. Once she had him in her arms, I pulled her close and held her to my side tightly. "This is such a perfect moment, you know?"

"Yes, yes it is," she whispered.

"I wish we could just sit here forever and be in one another's company," I sighed. "I also wish that Carl had let me stay with you longer."

"As nice as that would be, you know better than to defy Carl," Fuji said pointedly. "And I'm sure everything will be fine. You'll see us twice a year, and hopefully that will be enough to not break us all apart."

"We can hope," I nodded solemnly. "Twice a lunar year isn't that much, though."

"Perry, what can you really do about it?" she questioned. I leaned my head on her and closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to think about the fact that I had no control over whether I saw my own family or not. Fuji gave me a small kiss on the cheek. "Maybe someday, when there's peace in Zhongguo, we can be together more often, okay?"

"O-okay," I said, my voice cracking a little.

"Just enjoy the time they did give you," she smiled softly. "This time here and now. The time in which you can hold us both close and not let us go until sundown."

"Then I won't," I said, pulling them onto the bed with me and curling around them protectively. So there we lay, for as long as one can imagine in a day's time, all together in an embrace. I wrapped my tail around Fuji and held her to my chest, reveling in her presence and taking a moment of respite from my day to day insanity. Her breathing was heightened a little, but I suppose that had come from her newfound awareness due to Xing's being there.

That was how I fell asleep that night- with my two favorite people curled up in my chest. My two most valuable possessions were under my guard and watch; nothing could even dream to steal them away from me.

I wasn't about to let them go.

* * *

**Just in case it wasn't clear, Xing means star or spark. He, he. **


	23. Exitus Fortis

**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb**

**Jumping from cute to...whatever you call this chapter. It's sad to think I've reached the end of another one of my first stories. -AJ**

* * *

Reflecting back on that one day, I wish I had traded everything to stay with Fuji and Xing. Because what I'm about to tell you, dear reader, might rent your heart. I say might, well, because some are strong-willed. If you are, good on you. If you aren't- hold on tightly. When I began to tell you this story, it was a story of redemption; a young boy with a criminal record that had no hope came up out of his misery and became a great warrior, arguably the best in all of Zhongguo. Now, it will end the way it was intended to- with my downfall.

You see, they say Rome didn't fall in a day, but they use that phrase way too often with those whom it doesn't apply to. If you compare me to Rome, you could counter that phrase with one that went something kind of like, 'Rome didn't fall in a day, but Perry was certainly no Rome.' And that is true in so many, many respects, but at this moment, we are focusing on just the fall.

The day was so easy to remember, it was like it was yesterday. As usual, I'd gotten up early and fixed a large breakfast for my partners. We ate, we sang, and we joked, just like we normally did. After breakfast, we packed up for work and headed off to the palace to receive our daily assignments. Peter was sent to do some dealing with Silk Road robbers. Harry was sent off to do gate guard. As for me, though, I had to go back to Doofus Khan.

Now, over the past few months, this had been a regular thing for me. I'd go to Doofus Khan's yurt, he'd absent-mindedly reveal his schemes to me, and I'd thwart him. So, it wasn't an unusual request. I headed down the way to the yurt without a second thought.

The road, as I may have left out before, was a very long and winding one. Its sinuous curves would make one nauseous if he took them too fast. The turns would change direction so frequently that one often lost his sense of direction. Fortunately, neither of these happened to me, but I attribute that to my uncanny ability to remain sober. Nevertheless, I made my way to Doofus Khan's yurt in record time.

When it came into view, I knew there was no sneaking onto the property. His warriors all headed for me, and I pulled out a staff, ready to fend them off. As each one came up near me, I twisted the bow staff so that it would hit them square in the chest. That would knock the wind out of them and leave them on the ground for a few minutes to give me time to fend off the rest. Once I took down ten of them, Doofus Khan himself came out.

"Alright, alright!" he yelled. "Leave Perry the platypus to me!"

I halted in a ready position, keeping my breathing steady and listening out for a sneak attack. Doofus Khan walked over to me and put his hands on his hips. We stared deeply into one another's eyes. One of his men stood up behind me, grabbed a sword, and went to run me through, but I simply flicked my staff back hit him in the left temple without taking my eyes away from the Khan's.

"You know, I figured you'd be more volatile when you'd found out what I'd done," he said shaking his head.

"No one told me what you did, Khan," I said hastily. He raised his eyebrows and laughed a little. "To be fair, you'd tell me anyways. You always do."

"Yes, yes I do," he nodded. "But I had figured they'd already told you about this one. Especially since, well, it kind of hits home."

"Hits home?" I questioned. Another man stood up behind me, and I knocked him down as well, still keeping my eyes locked with the Khan's. "You know absolutely nothing about me, Khan. How could you have done anything that hits home with me?"

"Oh don't I?" he smirked. He waved for a few soldiers inside the yurt to bring someone out. They threw her on the ground next to the Khan's feet and she lay there on the ground, muttering in Cantonese. "I'm sure Yazuishou, Shimei hits home with you."

"Mom?!" I exclaimed. She lifted her head up and gasped. We hadn't seen each other since I'd been was promoted to the status of master. I stepped forward to help her up, but one of the warriors put his sword between us. "What do you plan to do to her?!"

"It's not her I plan to hurt," he chuckled to himself. "I have your wife and your young son here as well."

"YOU LET THEM GO!" I screamed. I pulled out a butterfly sword and knocked the man away from my mother. Doofus Khan stepped back a little. "Where are you keeping them?!"

"You'd better relax yourself, soldier," he told me. "If you make one wrong move, I'll snap my fingers and both of them will be dead. Capisce?"

I gripped my sword even harder and furrowed my brow. He laughed maliciously and watched me with humor written across his face. My mind was running through ideas like fingers through files in a cabinet. Whatever I did, I had to do it so that he couldn't harm Fuji and Xing.

"How did you find out about them?" I growled.

"Oh, that was easy really," he smiled. "Your little 'friend' Ricky told me all about you and your little family. Apparently the 'greatest warrior in all of Zhongguo' has a soft spot, now doesn't he?"

"Ricky," I breathed. That traitor deserved the stark opposite of the Mandate of Heaven, that was certain. I twisted the hilt of my sword in my hands and I shifted my weight on my feet, still trying to decide what to do.

"Ah, now you would be wise to drop the sword, Perry the platypus," he laughed. He held his hand up in the air and pressed his fingers together as if he were about to snap them. "Like I said, if you make one wrong move, they'll be dead. Make your moves wisely."

Slowly, but surely, I dropped my sword and took a step forward. Doofus Khan cackled and kept his fingers in the air. Frowning, I reached around my girth and wrapped my fingers around two small knives I had hidden under the folds of my shang. I had to be extremely careful about this; every move had to be well thought out.

"That's it, Perry the platypus," he grinned. "See? Was surrendering that hard?"

"Yes, yes it was," I nodded. I pulled the two knives out of their sheathes and leapt at him. Before he could snap his fingers, I had him on the ground and had pinned his hand down. "But as you can now see, 'great' Khan, I have not quite surrendered yet, now have I?"

"That was not very smart of you," Doofus Khan narrowed his eyes. "KILL THEM! KILL THEM BOTH!"

I brought my fist across his right cheek and watched as his spit flew out of his mouth a little. Unsatisfied with the lack of reaction or physical damage, I went to uppercut his jaw, but he grabbed my hand and threw me off. I landed on the dirt a few feet away, feeling the grit begin to scrape up my skin.

"You wouldn't," I said, picking myself up a little.

"Yes, I did," he said, letting me know that the deed had already been done. He came and stood over me. "And do you want to know the best part, Master Perry? It was all your fault. Yes, you heard me. I'll say it again- all…your…fault…"

I sat there in shock for a little bit. He couldn't have killed them; he just couldn't have. Unwilling to believe him, I leapt to my feet and ran for the yurt. Khan just let me, though, laughing to himself as I stumbled up to the door.

"Fuji! Fuji, where are you?!" I cried, tears coming to my eyes.

"Fuji, Fuji!" Khan mocked. "She can't hear you, moron, she's dead! Do you understand what that means, Master Perry? IT MEANS DEAD!"

He kept laughing and mocking me. My emotions suddenly took control. No longer was I going to keep with this nice guy face. That jerk had the _nerve_ to hurt my family, and no amount of honor could keep me from trying to tear him from limb. One thing was on my mind, and one thing only: Doofus Khan had to die; I wasn't about to spare him the mercy. I turned and ran at him, brandishing my knives once more and letting out a scream of agony mixed with anger.

"Get him, boys," he said, waving his hand for several hundred men to come at me. I stopped for a moment and weighed the odds. I pulled out a piece of parchment, wrote a quick message on it, and threw it as far as I could into the distance. Someone would find it.

"I wish I could avenge you, Fuji," I said to myself through my own tears. "But vengeance will have to wait. I failed you. And that proves I'm the same as when I came from Xihoudu; a jerk that never thinks before he does."

As the warriors came at me, I turned and ran in the direction of the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness. If there was one place I could stay and remain out of the world, it was there. No one else could get to me, and I wasn't about to come down and get to anyone else. I'd lost the two most important people in my life…

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the Tri-Province Area, Peter was carrying a small piece of worn parchment in his hand. He went up to a small yurt downtown and knocked on the door. A young woman, a fox, answered the door and smiled at him.

"Master Peter, to what do I owe this lovely surprise?" she asked.

"This isn't a lovely surprise," he sighed and placed the piece of parchment in her hand. "I think you should read this."

She cast him a curious look and glanced down at the parchment in her hand. Licking her lips, she unfolded it and gasped. Yes, she knew that handwriting. She knew that handwriting even though it was battered, smeared, and some of the parchment was torn.

"_To whoever finds this note, don't come looking for me_," she read. "_I lost both Fuji and Xing, and my mother, if she's still alive, is subject to the cruel, yet idiotic, Doofus Khan. I can no longer face anyone, as I have realized one thing about myself: I will always be the jerk who came from Xihoudu, drunk and a criminal. Give my best regards to everyone, and please remember this as a foolish act of Master Perry, and not just the way of the platypus._"

The woman clutched the parchment to her chest and choked back a sob. She couldn't believe this.

"Fuji, are you going to be okay?" Peter asked.

"I-I don't know what to say," she said, biting her lip. "He's never coming back, is he?"

"I'm afraid not," Peter shook his head. "But, we can always hope that there will be a need, Fuji, we can't give up on him. Maybe, just maybe, some day in the future, there will be a need for him. Maybe someone will find him and he'll return because we need him. We just have to be looking out."

"Looking for what, pray tell?" Fuji asked, the tears beginning to flow like a river.

"Anything that calls for him," he said with a sigh. "Anything that has a desperate need for the way of the platypus."

* * *

**Well, as all Acts in plays I've read have said- Exeunt. **


End file.
